Random Thoughts and Observations

yes my blogger page is getting dusty

2009-01-14T19:53:00.003-05:00

This is something I normally would have just posted here, but this may be a sign that I've been fully converted to livejournal since I have now broken my no whiny ranty posts with this:

stalkers, "bones", and blocks

Livejournal has stolen my heart

2008-12-31T13:14:00.003-05:00

Once again, it has been a while since I updated. I'm been a little enthralled with livejournal so I have been posting stories, responses to the law and order challenges, and a couple memes there...I have a sneaking suspcion that I will eventually be a full blown convert.

So since last time then I've turned 26, Christmas has come and gone (faster than I like), my cousin (younger) is engaged, and tomorrow will be a new year.

The past couple of years I haven't really looked forward to my birthday, but this year I was much happier and okay with getting another year closer to thirty (this is a scary number for people my age -- not because we think it's old but because it really is the point where you can't fall back on being a kid anymore). So I have to thank everyone who thought about me and gave me a shout out on their journal, texted me, or sent me a card. They really made my day!

Christmas was nice. I actually saw my dad which hasn't happened in at least 5 years and I wrote him a positive but honest letter for his present. He really appreciated it, which I was worried that he wouldn't. My mom got me a Discover gift card so I could get new glasses -- this may sound boring but my lenses alone cost two to three hundred dollars so I was pretty stoked.

As mentioned before, my cousin on my mom's side is engaged. I really like his fiance and she even asked me to be a bridesmade since he and I have no each other forever (literarly for him -- he's 24, will be 25 in June) and pretty much grew up together. We've kind of lost touch so I'm hoping maybe we can re-connect a little through her and the wedding. It's going to be in november of '09 and I was told that it'll be low-key and that she wants her bridemades in black dresses wearing Chucks -- tacky to some, but I think it's awesome. My aunt actually wore cowboy boots with her wedding dress.

I don't really have any resolutions for the new year -- just to keep doing what I'm doing and basically just continue to pull my shit together both physically and mentally. And of course I hope my muse is fruitful and I write a lot.

I feel like I'm going through a new phase with my writing, so I've been focusing on longer "one-shots" or single chapter stories away from the verse that I had been writing in...so it's taking me a little longer to get things done, but I also feel like I may be growing a bit as a writer...I hope at least...maybe I'm just deluding myself...lol.

Happy New Year to all!

Seasons Greetings

2008-12-23T18:09:00.000-05:00

Here.

A Day of Suck

2008-12-09T17:44:00.002-05:00

Why is it that all the blows come in one day?

First off, I somehow lost $20. We ordered lunch and I ran my debit card for $30 and then took the cash from one of the cash payments that I processed, but then when I was short $20 bucks when I went to do the deposit this afternoon. I have no idea how that happened.

Plus I'm menstrual and sometimes I seriously think I have that PMDD, you know the mondo PMS because some months...it's bad.

Then I had a customer call looking for a refund, which normally I can take care of easily, but this was an out of market return -- they bought in the East Carolina market but then returned here. In this case the orginal market has to actually issue the refund and we ship them back their equipment. Well she's been waiting three weeks for a refund, so I called the other markets inventory/returns person and he was a complete dick to me.

I apparently sent it to the wrong address and he won't process the return until he actually has the equipment, which he should have within the next couple of days. It was a miscommunication on both our parts, but the customer shouldn't be punished for that. Naturally I didn't say that because whenever I'm face with a confrontation I shut down into a bumbing idiot.

I asked him to expadite the return. To which he said, "I will not expadite a return until I have the equipment in my hand."

I asked him to call the customer (since in the end it is there responsibility and not ours).

Mr. Dick: "Why would I do that?"

Because you can give more information than I can (this I did actually say though with not as much attitude as I wish I had).

We went back and forth and finally he goes, "I don't time have to go back and forth with you." Like I fucking do? "What's the customer's number?"

I hate when I get put in situations like this because I seriously nearly have a panic attack. My face gets hot, my hands shake, and I'm near tears. It's embarrassing and it makes me feel utterly stupis because logically I know it's not that big of a deal, but to me it is. The real ass kicker is that afterwards I know all the right things to say to argue my point and to be more assertive but in the moment I just sound like an idiot.

It's just hits me really hard because I already feel socially inept on a good day, but on a bad day not only do I not fit in, but I also feel like I really I have nothing to offer anyone.

Then to top everything off my dad had to call -- righ after I wrapped things up with Mr. Dick, granted I didn't call him back until later, but my dad can sometimes make or break my day.

We maybe talk once a month and whenever I do talk to him I get hounded to call him more. I did initiate the last call we had...it was the day after the election and it was probably the best talk I had had with him in a really long time, but then today he hounds me about calling him still. What didn't he call before now?

It feels like he puts all the responsbility of our relationship on me and I don't want that responsibility. For once I want to be the kid and I want him to be the parent. But I know it's never going to be that way because it never has been and that I just need to let it go, but I can't. I'm not sure which pisses me off more the fact that that's the way it is or that I can't get past it.

But why should I just get past it? I want a dad and I should be angry that I never really had one. I know I had more than a lot of people. I at least have known him my whole life, unlike my cousin and her father, but sometimes I wish I didn't know him. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just not know, because there are a handful of memories where he actually felt like a dad, but it's not enough to just have that tease of a brief memory or to watch him be more like a dad to strangers' kids (those who took horse-back riding lessons from him) than he did me.

He was always uncomfortable around me and I think he was always afraid that he might hurt me. And I get it, I do. I understand why he's kept me at arms length and why he is the way he is, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I know he wants a relationship with me, but i just don't feel like he'll ever meet me half-way. My aunt (the one that lives in TX) even told me that I'll have to the one to initiate the big conversations and the relationship. But it's a lot to take on and it's really hard to get past my resentment so that I even can reach out.

He did say that he's coming to Xmas Eve this year at my cousins. I don't think I've seen him durring a holiday in four years, at least. I hope he really does come because I do want to see him, but it's still hard.

Okay...I feel a little better that I've gotten that out, so I'm going to go eat some dinner and hope tommorrow is better.

A new fan fic discovery

2008-12-06T10:31:00.002-05:00

In my perusing of livejournal this week I found a journal by justanotherfic that includes some really wonderful LOCI fan fic. The ones I have read so far are subtle B/A ships, but I think anyone would enjoy them because they are subtle.

Here's the direct link to the two I have read so far:

Infinite Regress
It's a post-ep of sorts for "Frame"

and...if you prefer a little humor mixed in with the angst here's one that takes place around the time of "Betrayal:"

The Queen of Fucking Everything
guess who the queen is

A meme after my own heart

2008-12-04T12:26:00.004-05:00

Found this meme about movies at Goddessdster's Livejournal.

01. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times
Oh geez. Labyrinth

02. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in a theatre?
Titanic -- I was 15 and all my friends were doing it

03. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.
Vincent D'Onofrio, Cate Blancett, Kathryn Erbe, Edward Norton

05. Name a movie that you can quote from.
LOL...there are way more than I ever should admit to, but here's a few: My Cousin Vinny, Jumping Jack Flash, Wayne World, Happy Accidents

06. Name a movie musical that you know all the lyrics to all the songs.
Disney's Beauty and the Beast

07. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.
Grease

08. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
Happy Accidents

09. Name a movie that you own.
Alot, but I'll recomend The Royal Tennebaums

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
Mos Def, most definitly. I heard that he always intended to be an actor and music just kind of happened

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in?
Sadly no

12. Ever made out in a movie?
No

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't gotten around to it yet?
oh there's a lot. Guy is a major one that I want to see but can't find anywhere.

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
no

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
Titanic -- again I was 15 and all my friends were doing it

16. Popcorn?
Sure with a nice cold coke

17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?
Not very often anymore.

18. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
The Dark Knight

19. What is your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
Don't really have one. I like a bit of everything, but I guess I am partial to family dramas (quirky family dramas)

20. What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
don't know

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
um...I'm not sure. Nothing pops out at me

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
OldBoy. It has uncomfortable subject matter, but it's wonderfully done. The visual cues are brillant and the score is just goregous.

23. What is the scariest movie you've ever seen?
It -- Tim Curry as an evil clown and me a little kid...no, no.

24. What is the funniest movie you've ever seen?
Oh...I don't know. But My Big Fat Greek Wedding was refreshing when it came out.

Tell me something good...

2008-12-03T12:37:00.002-05:00

Well it's been a while...again.

My brain has been over run recently by all the jumbled ideas I have in my head at the moment and trying to smooth them out and find one concise story with in the jumbled thoughts. I do have one story almost done. I have someone editing now, which I'm excited about, but am also fearful that it will only validate the fact that I'm not nearly as talented as I like to think I am. But in the end it'll be good because it never fails: I read and re-read a story/chapter over and over before I post it, I'll post it, go back and read it again later and find some blaring mistake that grates my nerves like when you find a piece of dust right after you finished cleaning.

So I have that one story and then I think I have finally narrowed my focus on the bigger/casefile story that I've been trying to figure out...hopefully anyway. I've been in a phase where I'll write the first chapter or two of an idea and then get stuck...hopefully the must has finally decided wants to do though, since some ideas have been consolidated.

Also I've decided to livejournal a try when it comes to posting my fan fiction. I've been moving some of my old stories to my other blogger page, but don't care for it when it comes to stories. So, I'm going to move things over there and then when I have new stuff will post there and at fanfiction.net.

Thanksgiving was nice. It was a long day, mostly because I was fighting off a cold last week and was feeling very tired. I was downing orange juice and vitamins like they were going out of style...but they did something because I never got full blown sick just that feeling like my body was fighting not to get sick. You know what I mean?

I think the vitamins are even helping my skin, which gets ridiculously dried out in the winter.

I ate way to much over the course of the weekend and am dreading going to my weightwatchers meeting tonight because I really don't want to know how much damage I did. But I'm getting back on track slowly and it'll be okay.

The weekend also got me thinking about the possibility of maybe moving back home. I live about an hour and half away from my family, which in my family is a long ways away considering that my mom and all of her siblings still live in the same area they grew up in. I've been in Richmond for about 8 years now and was resistant to move back home right after I graduated.

I grew up just me and mom most of the time and we were very co-dependant on each other. I guess I felt like I needed the distance for me not to be so dependant on her, but she is still co-dependant on me. But I was thinking it might be nice now to start thinking about moving back and to be closer to my family. I've been building a friendship with my cousin on my dad's side and it'd be nice to actually be there to see each other more often. And to see her daughter more. Then one of my other cousins is engaged! Plus my best friend is closer then and most of the friends I accumalted in college have moved away.

I don't really know what has been keeping me here. I guess I just needed to be independent for a while and not feel like my identity was wrapped up in my mom's or in my family's. Maybe I've actually made some headway in that feeling since I kind of want to move back there.

There's a lot to think about before I make any sort of desicion and I'd have to find an apartment and a job all while living an hour away.

That's really all I've got. Hopefully I'll get back to posting more regularly soon. Though sometimes I don't think it's up to me, but the muses and ideas that seem to take hold of my brain.

A meme from Goddessdster's livejournal

2008-11-23T10:54:00.003-05:00

1. What are your nicknames?

My best friend started calling me Linz (like lens) in high school which stuck. I still will sign short notes or emails as "Linz."

My dad's mom use to always call me Lin for short when I was little.

2. How do you style your hair?

Not big with styling my hair. I'm a wash, dry and go sort of girl. Simplicity is best for me when it comes to hair because i try to style, but it never works the way I want and therefore I end up in a bad mood.

3. What's new in your life right now?

Not much. I have lost 40 pound in the last six months so I guess that's new. My life's pretty boring, actually.

4. How many colors are you wearing now?

two.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert.

6. What was the last book you read?

"Lucky" by Alice Sebold was the last thing that I read straight through. It's a beautiful book, though the subject matter is tough to get through. Right now I'm reading "Watchmen" and becoming more and more curious as to how they are going to pull off a film version.

7. Do you nap a lot?

No. Unless I'm really really sick I can't fall asleep durring the day.

8. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?

I don't know...get over it.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

Fruastrations at work. Old issues/hang-ups that I can't completely get past

10. What was the last thing you ate today?

Special K, the one with dried strawberries.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

About 30 - 40 minutes

12. What websites do you visit daily?

I'm going to do weekly because there are regular sites that I visit but nessicarily everyday: Blogger, Liveournal, Major Case, various blogs

13. what classes are you taking right now? and if you're not in school anymore, what's your job?

I'm a returns supervisor at a cell phone retailer.

14. Do you like to clean?

No, but every now and then I'll get a wild hair where I go on a cleaning frenzy

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?

"Jessie's Girl." by Rick Springfield. There's a girl I work with named Jessie and one of my bosses spontaneously sings that to tease her.

16. If the world were to end tomorrow, what one thing would you do today?

See my friends and family. Have talks with people that I've been avoiding because I know there needed but are going to be hard.

17. What's better: eternal love or memorable love?

I don't really know. I think the best love I've witnessed was between my mom's parents. When I was in middle school my grandmother had a cyst on her spine and she had to have spinal surgery. Her whole torso was in a cast and she had to go to a rehibiltation center after being in the hospitial. They finally let her come home with a hospitial bed that we put in the living room and my grandfather basically was her nurse for several months. There was a nurse that came once a week to check on her, but other wise my grandfather took care of her and the house -- that's real love to me.

18. What would you do if you see $100 lying on the ground?

See is someone around me dropped it, but I'd probably leave it on the ground...really.

19. Best time of your life?

My first couple of years of college.

20. Tell me something good.

Thanksgiving is Thursday and it's my favorite holiday.

"Score one for the little wooden boy."

2008-11-18T12:26:00.004-05:00

Well it's been awhile. I really haven't had much to talk about. I guess I'm in one of my complacent phases where things aren't getting to me as much as they usually do and there fore I don't have much to gripe about. Of course at the same time there's nothing exciting going on either, so nothing much to report. I am exploring other job options still, but I'll probably wait till after Christmas to aggressively look to see what I might be able to find.

So until I have something interesting to talk about I figured I'd just offer some recommendations.

First off, I finally saw the second season of "Dexter" and it did not disappoint. I can't recomend this series enough. Micheal C. Hall is wonderful as Dexter and a far cry from the neurotic David of "Six Feet Under."

We see him continue to figure out who he is and exactly how evil or how good he really is. All while coming to terms with the fact that Harry, his dead foster-father (no, Dexter didn't kill him) and lone confidant, who shaped him into who he is, was not exactly the man Dexter thought he was.

It's interesting because we see the struggle between good and evil within one person, who desperatley wants to be normal, but yet is a psychopath with little to no emotions about anything. The first season I comapred to a twisted take on "Piccnochio," while in the second he does seem closer to being a "real boy." He has more personal challenges and relationships that he is trying to juggle and we see him as part hero and part villian.

Not to mention the fact that his own squad (he works foresenics for Miami Metro) along with the FBI are hunting him, or rather the Bayside Butcher, down. So while he covers his tracks, he is also enlisted to help in the investigation that should ultimately lead to him.

Needless to say I'm ready for season three to wrap up and come out on DVD, so that I can watch. Oh, and just a note: the title of this post is a quote from a "Dexter" episode.

Also, I was reminded the other day of this novel by one of my former professors, Tom DeHaven, called It's Superman! It's part noir mystery and part origin story set in the 1940s.

It takes classic Superman characters and puts them in a believable "real world" setting, with a young Clark Kent trying to figure out who he is, who he wants to be, and the extent of his mysterious powers. This book made me like Superman. I'm generally a Batman sort of girl and, honestly, Tom Welling ("Smallville") kind of ruined Superman for me -- the man only has one facial expression (See: reasons why one should not cast out of an Abracrombe catalogue).

Plus Tom DeHaven is a great writer and is a true student of the history of comics and graphic novels. I actually took a class on the graphic novel that he taught and it really made me see comics as a valid and highly overlooked or looked down upon medium. I still have a bit of a crush on him.

Well, I'm off. Hope all is well with everyone.

Sunday Laziness

2008-11-09T14:51:00.005-05:00

Well, i really have had much to talk about this week. I got a lot of work done this weekend on a story that I started six months ago, but that my computer destroyed (25 pages disappeared). I now have 20 pages done and granted (crossing fingers and sending up hail Mary's) my computer cooperates hopefully the new version will be done soon. But other than that I got nothing, so I was exploring youtube and found a couple videos I wanted to share of Hoots & Hellmouth.

They're a band from Philly, that I can't recomend enough. One of my friends has become good friends with the mandolin player and they all are pretty good guys and very talented musicians.

Posted by MiloSwerve

Song -- Home in a Boxcar

Posted by WNCW Studio B

Song -- This Hand

Posted by janeanger

Song -- Forks and Knives

Well Hope everyone had a nice weekend. I'm off to write some more and relax before heading back to work.

The landscape is changing

2008-11-05T18:44:00.004-05:00

Well I have to say I regret going to bed early last night, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open so I missed the Obama victory speech. Though I was very happy to wake up this morning and discover that it was in fact a victory speech.

I wished I had see the reaction of the crowd in Illinois and the reaction right here in Richmond. I heard this morning that they actualy had to close off a section of Broad street (a major road here that basically runs through the hole area) near downtown with people celebrating.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that Virginia went to Obama. I was watching the numbers as they were coming in early last night and initially it looked like McCain would probably take it from what they were showing us through the local NBC station, but then just before I went to bed I saw that Obama had actually crept up in front, but only by one point.

As a Virginian, this is very exciting to me because it means that the landscape here is changing because not only did we add to Obama's win, but also for the first time in history we have two democrats in the senate with the election of Mark Warner, who won in a landside.

The voting turn out here was amazing...the two and half hours I had to stand in line to vote wasn't too amazing, but seeing all these different people coming out like they did and I gather (at least in the district where I live) most to support one man was pretty awesome and reassuring.

I think alot of people here, myself included, fall into what Tom Brokow said about it being the end of apathy with this election. There was a big push in my neighborhood, which isn't the best area, but one the city is trying to rebuild and rejuvinate, to get people signed up to vote and out to the polls.

In line at the polls I was behind this older white couple who had lived in the neighborhood for years (I say older...I guess they were in their late 50s or early 60s) and the wife was telling me about this neigbor they had -- and elderly black woman who passed a year or two ago at the age of 93. Before her death they would always help her get to the polls and she told me that as it got harder for the woman to get out and about that they offered to help her with an absentee ballot, but that she refused, saying something to the effect of, "For as long as I can I'm going to come out and vote because of all the years I wasn't allowed to."

People my age I don't think really understand that concept and we take it for granted. This is actually the first time I voted in a presidential election. In 2000 I was a month shy of being old enough and in 2004 for I was lazy and didn't think about getting an absentee ballot until it was too late (I was still registered at my mom's address -- an hour and a half away -- I know, I know, it's no excuse).

And I have to say alot of my interest this time around is because of Barack Obama and I hope he really takes this country in a new direction. I hope he doesn't lose sight of the people he wants to help now or the places/people he comes from. I think this sense of him being still so connected to his roots despite his success is one thing that makes him so relatable and likable, and I hope he is able to maintain that. He is not going to have an easy presidency -- he has a bit of a mess to clean up and, unfortunately because he is a "first" he will probably be more closely watched and scrutinized. Of course, coming in right after Bush has to make him look pretty good despite whatever policies he may put into place.

But right now I'm very pleased and looked forward to see how the next four years play out.

I'm a bit behind on all of the blogs I read, so hopefully I will catch up soon, but right now dinner's ready and I'm ready to relax.

Give me something to sing about

2008-10-31T10:25:00.004-04:00

The system is done right now at work so I can't do any work right now...so this is what happens when i'm left to my own devices with nothing to do. Found this when i was looking at Goddessdster's livejournal. I have to say her answers are far more interesting and diverse than mine.

Shipping Meme

"Canon" ship:
Willow/Tara -- BTVS

"Not quite canon but should be" ship:
Does Angel/Cordelia from Angel count -- they got close but not quite and I was so down with that.

"If this happens I'll stab my eyes out with a spork" ship:
Buffy/Xander -- I'm way behind on reading The "Season 8" comic, but the first couple of volumes hinted at the possibility and I'm just there reading yelling "NOOOOOO!"

"You are one sick bastard" ship:
the Spike/Dawn (BTVS) one I came across disturbed me

"I dabble a little" ship:
I dabble only in Bobby/Alex -- I can't seem to focus long enough on any others

"It's like a car crash" ship:
Buffy/Spike -- but how much awesome fun was that.

"Tickles my fancy but not quite sold yet" ship:
Willow/Kennedy

"Makes no canon sense but why they hell not" ship:
don't know

"Everyone else loves it but I just don't feel it" ship:
Logan/Barek -- I honestly kind of wanted Barek to be a Lesbian. If I had written her more she would have ended up a lesbian

"When all is said and done" ship:
Bobby/Alex

"Guilty pleasure" ship:
Aren't they all?

"I could never abandon you" ship:
Bobby/Alex; Willow/Tara

Favourite devotion ship:
don't know -- i guess most of the ones I read could be considered this

Favourite never-met ship:
I think any character I've paired have met in cannon

Favourite abuse ship:
none

Favourite rape ship:
ah...no. I don't do rape fantasy and I don't watch hentai...It's bad enough that I actually know what it is

Favourite "Awwww!" ship:
Willow/Oz

Favourite perverted ship:
I'm a prude.

Favourite dominance!battle ship:
does Zoe/Wash count from Firefly because she could definity kick his ass.

It's all Goddessdster's fault...lol

2008-10-30T17:44:00.003-04:00

So I have been tagged for harmless, mindless fun and I really have nothing better to do so here is my reply to her post It took a memeing to get me to post!

Where would you have your 8 homes, if you were as insanely rich as the McCains?
hmm...
1. Richmond, VA -- there are beautiful old houses here that I'd love to restore
2. Hampton, VA -- particularly my grandfather's house because none of us want to see the day when it is not in the family
3. Denver, CO -- Cabins, warm fires, and snow! we don't get snow. if any thing it's just slush -- I want a house someplace with real snow.
4. Brooklyn, NY -- because I wouldn't want to live right in the city...not that I actually know anything about the city
5. Philadelphia, PA -- hallelujah for Hoots & Hellmouth! -- one of my favorite indie bands --guess where they are from ;)
6. Raleigh, NC -- because I was born there, but don't remember actually living there and would like the experience
7. Los Angeles, CA -- just for the sole purpose to stalk-- I mean...admire Joss Whedon
8. Austin, TX -- my dad's only well adjusted sister lives there and it'd give me a good reason to see her more and to know her better. She could get me to try acupuncture -- she lives by it.

Number 2
Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.*Share 6 / 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.*Tag 6/ 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.*Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I'm jealous of people who are left handed, but also intrigued -- I don't know why...I just always wanted to be left handed...lol
2. I'm deathly afraid of birds...most girls freak out about bugs, snakes, mice -- not me -- birds. And no, I never saw "The Birds" when I was little and I don't recall ever being attacked...I just have always been afraid of them
3. I'm actually a pretty good singer...though I don't have enough patience to learn an instrument -- I've tried piano a couple of times.
4. I used to want to be a TV writer/producer -- in fact a friend and I had a whole mythology, character archs, backstories and a near written pilot, but she moved to LA and I just felt like I was thinking about going there too more for her than for me...so I backed out. I suck, I know.
5. My prom date was actually dating one of my good friends at the time of prom...lol...we were just going as friends and they technically had broken up, but secretly had gotten back together...ah high school drama...i definitely don't miss it
6. I had a friend/roommate in college who I could have a conversation with all in "Wayne's World" quotes...lol...
7. I have a tattoo on my back, very small of a crescent moon -- me and my best friend got tattooes (her's is way cooler -- the hindu omh symbol) just before we left for our first year of college. I would actually like two more -- the Chinese characters for yin and yan -- one on each ankle as a sort of permanent anchor -- I think it's going to be my reward when I reach my final weight goal.

Well I don't really know who to tag. Can I double tag Music Wench? lol.

Everything's better with a new pair of jeans

2008-10-27T07:42:00.007-04:00

I got a new pair of jeans over the weekend -- a size smaller I might add -- and I could actually get in them, even after washing them, with out a blow torch. It gives me a nice warm and fuzzy feeling, which I am trying to focus on as I return to work for another week.

I put in an application online for a receptionist postion at a spa. They must be using a head hunting firm that's sorting things for them. I'm sure I qualified for the position, but I don't know if I'm really spa material since I'm rather stlyistically challenged (I'd be a prime canidate for Tim Gunn). But it's your basic receptionist job -- setting appointments, welcoming customers, recieving/putting out inventory, etc, but it pays 5.00 more an hour than what I'm making here with full benefits -- I'm still waiting for the catch on this hourly wage for a receptionist.

So I figured it wouldn't hurt just to see what it's about. I don't know if it's really a good time to switch jobs and a cell phone company is probably more likely to endure through the bad economy than a spa. I mean cell phones have stopped being a luxury and are a nessecity in most people's eyes, so I think the economy would have to be in the seventh circle of hell before people stopped buying cell phones, but going to a spa people, I think...maybe I'm wrong about this, would be a luxury people would sacrifice.

However I also can't stand the people I work for now because I find they lack leadership skills, they don't appreciate us that work in the back office, and I think their morals are skewed -- their only passion seems to be to maintain their lifestyle.

Our counterpart in North Carolina (the owners there are friends with the owners here) a year or two ago had a discrimination law suit filed against them by their former inventory manager who was fired not long after it was discovered that she was a lesbian.

And of course my boss now is making all these snide comments like, "well if Obama becomes president you guys just might not get a raise." Please! Don't tell me I'm not getting a raise when you just bought a new BMW and are buying a new house (not to mention their "River house"). I realize that we are remodling and adding on to the office and that that costs a lot of money, but tell us that's why we aren't getting raises -- not something petty because who want for president isn't doing so hot.

So I don't know. If I were to get offered this receptionist postion it could potentianally be a better enviroment -- I don't really know since I haven't actually met anyone yet -- but not as secure. Plus I doubt I'd be as bored because there would potentially be slight variations to my day unlike here.

But I also would feel a little guilty about leaving since we're going into the holiday season and it's going to be incredibly busy back here. How fucked up am I to feel guilty about this? I guess I feel bad for my co-workers who would get stuck picking up the slack, not the bosses. But still, how much should my guilt factor into my decision -- because that usually effects my decisions more than it probably should.

I realize I'm jumping the gun, but that's what I do. I kill every possible option before it even happens and drive myself crazy -- it's why I'm so god damn indecisive.

So I'm just not sure which is the better choice...if I was to get this second choice. Security or better pay and a different environment?

"Abortions will not let you forget..."

2008-10-26T10:36:00.005-04:00

There's a women's clinic that I pass by on occasion. It's a little building on the corner opposite of the VA Fine Arts Museum and beside row houses converted into apartments, where VCU and MCV students probably live. If you are on the cross street right beside it, you can see a little parking lot behind the building and an even smaller sign that says what it is, but otherwise the only way you'd know is from the protestors out front every Saturday morning.

They where giant signs around their bodies and pace the small corner, waving to cars and talking to whoever will listen.

Either my last or next to last semester of college, there were pro-lifers walking and driving around the campus in a van with an aborted fetus painted on the side of it. One of the men had taken up residents in one of the main walk-ways on campus (right outside the main dining hall) with two young boys with him, preaching to whoever would listen. He didn't get a very warm welcome. In fact I saw one student begin to argue with him about it not being his right to tell people what to do and how he should be ashamed for exposing his young children to this while preaching about the value of young life.

I don't think any one would say that abortion is a good thing, but it is nessicary (and a major factor in why I can not support John McCain). I had a professor that taught classes that doubled in religious and women's studies and she used to be an ordained baptise minister (still a rare thing in southern baptise comminities). It was really fascinating to listen to her talk, because it was so obvious that she had an immense love and faith for her God, but she also looked at the world objectively. She was an outspoken Kerry supporter in the 2004 election and really shaped my understanding of feminism and the abortion issue.

Of abortion she said, "I think it's unfortunate that I live in a society where that is nessicary, but we can't go back to back-alley abortions."

I think what many conversatives don't understand about abortion is that it's just a figure head on a much bigger issue. It's like, well if they take that away -- what's next? Do we go back to birth control being inaccesible? Are we then slowing forced back into the kitchen and out of the office? Where does their control end and ours begin?

Just because I am pro-choice doesn't mean that I don't see imprefections in abortion. I think there are women who treat it as an after the fact form of birth control and that there should come a point where people need to take responsibility for their actions, but you can't really force a handful of people to do that with out taking the right away from resonsible, decent people who made a mistake or who's lives are in danger because of their pregnancy.

It's not an easy issue, but it is a fact (and a needed one) of our society.

Below is one of my favorite poems and I think it perfectly paints the ambevilance and complications surrounding abortion. I love how conflicted the speaker is as she tries to rationalize to the children that were never actually children why she did what she did as a mother who was never really a mother. It's interesting because it really could be used for either side of the arguement.

"The Mother" by Gwendolyn Brooks

Abortions will not let you forget.
You remember the children you got that you did not get,
The damp small pulps with little or with no hair,
The singers and workers that never handled the air.
You will never neglect or beat
Them, or silence or buy with a sweet.
You will never lwind up the sucking-thumb
Or scuttle off ghosts that come.
You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.

I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killed children.
I have contracted. I have eased
My dim dears at the breasts they could never suck.
I have said, Sweets, if I sinned, if I seized
Your luck
And your lives from your unfinished reach,
If I stole your births and your names,
Your straight baby tears and your games,
Your stilted or lovely loves, your tumults, your marriages, aches, and your deaths,
If I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,
Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.
Though why should I whine,
Whine that the crime was other than mine?--
Since anyhow you are dead.
Or rather, or instead,
You were never made.
But that too, I am afraid,
Is faulty: oh, what shall I say, how is the truth to be said?
You were born, you had body, you died.
It is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.

Believe me, I loved you all.
Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you
All.

So I'm a Geek...I can live with that

2008-10-25T11:05:00.003-04:00

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test...

Pure Geek

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Geek, earning you the title of: Pure Geek.

It's not that you're a school junkie, like the nerd, and you don't really stand out in a crowd, like the dork, you just have some interests that aren't quite mainstream. Perhaps it's anime, perhaps it's computers, perhaps it's bottlecaps, perhaps it's all of those and more. Your interests take you to events and gatherings that are filled with people you find unusual and beyond-the-pale, but you don't quite consider yourself "of that crowd." Instead, you consider yourself to be fairly normal.

Which, you are.

Congratulations! You're the one on the RIGHT!

Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Professional Wrestling

Love & Sexuality

America/Politics

Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Take The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test at HelloQuizzy

Dubya

2008-10-24T13:10:00.007-04:00

Oh how I heart Will Ferrell...

Saw this on "Weekend Update Thursday" last night and I need it here for easy access because it's hilarious and so true.

Hello, my name is Lindsay and I'm a B/A shipper

2008-10-23T10:00:00.009-04:00

Hello, my name is Lindsay and I am a CI Bobby/Alex shipper.

(pauses for gasps and the shameful shaking of heads)

I did not start out that way and even when I started reading B/A fanfiction my initial reaction was: really? But then, like a junkie on crack, I started reading more and more of it and by the time I got to watching season 4, I was convinced there was a possibility. And now as much as I try I can't read anything that doesn't have Goren and Eames with Goren and Eames.

Here's something I posted a year or so ago on the USA CI message board, where I plead my case for B/A shipping. LOL. It's all in good fun.

Before I say why i would ship or think there is something more between Goren and Eames, let me clarify that even though I do like the idea of them together I don't actually want to see it. It can be implied and hinted at (which some may argue it already has been) but I don't want it to be the focus of the show. In fact I think if they were to do anything overtly romantic with any character it would be Logan because he is kind of a playboy from what i've gathered.

As for why to ship Goren and Eames: I think one thing that prompts us to want to ship them is the fact that there is a very Mulder/Scully-like relationship between the two. (Now i stress again i do not want them to go the way of the X-Files, but the parrells are still there). You have this quirky guy whose bright and charming, but can also be un-nerving in this methods and beliefs, which can make him hard to work with. Then there's this woman partner who really is his perfect compliment and is his link to the higher ups who are turned off by this thoughts and processes. And I have to say that Erbe & D'Onofrio have way better chemistry than Anderson & Duchovny.

All of us crave affection from other human beings and what we all need is that person who balances us out and is able to challenge us. When i say challenge i don't mean they should be arguing all the time, but they should open the other up to new thoughts and ideas, which it's very clear that Goren and Eames do that for each other.

Their partnership is very unique when compared to the other pairs of partners through out the Law and Order verse in how well they do compliment each other. I don't think there was ever a family-like relationship between the two, because i think we would have seen it like we did on SVU. I think the first episode of SVU we see Olivia go to Elliot's house torn up about a case, which makes me see a brother/sister bond between them, but with Goren and Eames, despite how close they appear to have become (or are becomming), they still seem to keep a professional distance between them, which i gather is more Eames's doing than Goren's.

Now if there wasn't some threat of more than partner-like feelings that distance wouldn't be necissary. It also appears that both are really married to their work, though for different reasons, and even though we have heard mention of both of them dating it doesn't appear that either of them have had any long-term relationships in years.

I think you could argue that (though i don't remember what the timeline was on Eames' marriage) they've been partners longer than either had been in a given relationship and for people who work as much as they do it's not uncommon to meet a romantic interest in the workplace because where else are they going to find it.

I think it became apparent in "Silencer" that they are too emotionally involved with each other (i don't mean in a sexual way) for their partnership to not get in the way of any outside romantic relationship. I'm sorry to all you non-shippers but Goren was jealous. There was a pissing match between he and Peter and it wasn't about the case.

Also the last scene in that episode is really intriguing to me as a shipper because they could have faded out on the deaf girl as she's watching her boyfriend being dragged off, but instead it cuts to Goren sitting next to Peter at the table in the interrogation room. Now i know i can be overly analytical (I was an english major -- it's what we do) but there was a statement being made there. I'm going to argue that it was a statement of choice. Those are Eames's choices and Goren's going to win.

He's going to win for a couple reasons: 1. he is the safer choice because ideally nothing romantic should happen between them (doesn't mean there isn't something already there, even if neither will approach it) and it's obvious that Eames has been living with her gaurd up since her husband's death, 2. those walls are starting to crumble and both Goren and Eames are becomming more emotionally exposed to the other and 3. she trusts and cares about him.

It's obvious that they care for each other through Eames's reaction at having to read her new partner request letter and with him you see the way he interacts with her change in season four. He's more protective. In "Gone" he let's the suspect get away to step inbetween a witness that's getting out of line with her, which in earlier seasons i think the suspect would have been his focus not Eames. Her reaction in reading that letter is so emotional and it's really the first time i recall in the series that we see such an obvious emotional response from her. It really tears her up having to read those things that she initially thought about him and you can also see a hint of fear at what his reaction might be.

I think if there were stirctly platonic or brother/sister feelings between them, her reaction still would have been emotional, but i think it would have been more subtle and there wouldn't have been any room to see fear, because their relationship would be safe and predictable. That letter wouldn't have seemed to be as big of a threat if their bond was as tight as a familial one.

Either side of this argument is complete speculation because i think in many ways their relationship has been very ambiguous, which i personally like because it leaves room for debates like this one. I can see how people would interpert these things differently from me and that's what makes it fun. Still, to me there is an attraction and flirtation there that the actors and writers dance around and play with. One thing i do know for sure is that my guy friends who are like brothers to me don't look at me the way Goren sometimes looks at Eames...I'm just saying...

Boy Meets Chuck and Hard Candy

2008-10-22T12:29:00.004-04:00

Well, I've been in kind of a lull with my blog writing, but have been on the upstroke with my creative writing -- apparently I'm imcapable of doing both equally. So here is another blog of complete, long winded randomness.

I have to say Chuck is growing on me the more I watch it. I guess it's very relatable to me because I know those people -- I am those people (not the special agents, obviously...lol). But I am in that out of college, what the hell am I supposed to do now group. There's nothing all that deep about Chuck, but it's fun and has tons of pop culture references that anyone who grew up when I did would know -- all I need to hear is a Thundercats or a Jem reference and my deal as a Chuck fan is sealed.

I know this week all the hype was about Nicole Richie (not to mention the girl on girl fight to "Smack my Bitch Up"), but who cared about her when you have the surprise of Ben Savage from Boy Meets World. Any one who grew up in the late 80's and/or early-mid 90's, grew up watching one, if not both of the Savage brothers. I grew up with both, though I watched The Wonder Years more than Boy Meets World. Not to mention a film called Little Monsters with both of them and Howie Mandel as a kind hearted monster who lives under Fred Savage's bed.

Plus I liked that they made Sarah a band geek in her other life. It makes her a bit more relatable. And there's always Adam Baldwin -- we need more Adam Baldwin.

Then over the weekend I watched this little indie film called Hard Candy. It's a thriller that reminded me of a Hitchcock thriller, in that the suspense is dependent on what you don't see, which I love.

It's about a fourteen year old girl (played by a pre-Juno Ellen Page) who agrees to meet up with a 32 year old man, who she has met on the internet. Sounds predictible and one would think that we would see the teen try to escape the psycho pediophile and then learn a valuable lesson about meeting people on the internet -- but no. We quickly learn that the teen girl is not the one being manipulated here. There were some things that I thought needed more explanation or resolution, but over all it was well done and I would recomend it.

Now some life stuff --

Well we finally have caught up with our work load, but have not been moved into our new space like we were told we would be once we got caught up. It's sad but I just have no respect for my bosses right now. You can't respect someone who forgets or is late for a meeting that they scheduled, but gets all high and mightly if you are late. Of course the "Mom for McCain" bumber sticker and passive agressive comments aginast Obama are not helping with my fruastration.

But at least I do have a trained assistant now and things are coming together, but she is in desperate need of a real desk -- her current one is made of two skinny card tables shoved into a corner.

And the weather is getting cold, but staying sunny. It's quite pretty, even though (in typical VA form) we haven't gotten very much inbetween weather. It pretty much goes from warm/hot to cold...and then up and down a few more times. LOL. It's havoc on my sinuses, but I love fall colors.

Oh well back to work.

The Last Debate

2008-10-16T07:28:00.003-04:00

If McCain spent as much time concisely explaining his own policies, as he did critizing Obama's, we might have some idea in hell what he plans to do as president.

That's really all I have to say about that.

Read Music Wench's blog about the debate -- I pretty much agree 100%

Though I am riled up about the Roe V. Wade thing -- but that will probably be a seperate post when I have more time.

Doesn't quite compare

2008-10-15T07:28:00.003-04:00

I watched L&O: SVU last night. This show is generally hit or miss for me. Benson (Mariska Hargaty) just gets on my nerves and it irritates me to no end that she's an emmy darling, while Kathryn Erbe is constantly looked over, despite portraying a more realistic female role model.

I do like Christopher Meloni. I have a soft spot for actors who can go from one end of the spectrum to the other and do it well. He's actually a really good comedic actor and a part of me wishes that he would leave SVU and go do some quirky, off the wall comedy series. He is great in this one episode of Scrubs, where he plays a very much respected pediatrician, who is a little too attached to the puppet he uses to entertain his patients. So Dr. Cox "kidnaps" the puppet in order to bribe the pediatrician into fitting his son into his booked schedule. It's hilarious.

Meloni also has a cameo in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and is only recognizable by his voice. He plays this deformed, back woods mechanic and is completely ridiculous.

But I like that. I like actors who can go from stark seriousness to ridiculousness -- like Gary Cole, who is easily in my top three most underrated actors list, but that's a different post.

But, anywho, on this SVU episode, Stabler's (Meloni) daughter is in trouble again and it unearths this plethora of bad and dangerous behavior (drugs, alcholoh, promiscuity, etc.). They come to find out that she has bi-polar disorder and then we meet Stabler's mommy, played by Ellen Burstyin.

We learn that his mother, though never formally diagnosed or treated, also is bi-polar and how her erratic behavior effected his childhood. In the big dramatic scene between mom and son, he mentions a time when she pulled his father's gun on them and nearly shot them and then later we learn that she caused an accident that broke his arm.

I like Ellen Burstyin and I like Chris Meloni, but the whole time I was watching the scene between the two of them I couldn't help but wonder: were the SVU writers watching re-runs of CI, or what?

And to make matters worse, that scene just doesn't hold a candle to the chemistry and just heart wrenchingness of Rita Moreno and Vincent D'Onofrio. Rita Moreno and Tony Goldwyn were robbed by the Emmys -- both were absolutley stellar and did so much in such a limited amount of screen time -- that's acting.

Though, I'm sure, since SVU is SVU that they will get the acclaim that the CI cast did not.

Here's a YouTube video I found highlighting some of the scenes between D'Onofrio and Moreno. It's by Oliviafan29 and is set to a song called "Wreck of the Day." Not sure who it's by -- sounds slightly like Jewel...but not sure if it's her.

Dreams and freak-outs

2008-10-11T09:55:00.003-04:00

Babbling ahead...a lot of babbling...you've been warned.

I on occasion have weird dreams. All dreams are weird, but there are varying degrees. Like my dad's dreams constitute "fucking weird," where as mine are just "weird." I remember as a kid when my parents were still married and he would mention some of the dreams he had. In one the Nazis were coming and we all had to jump off the James River Bridge and swim to safety. In another, my mom and I went to a horse show with him and the hotel was attacked by terrorists. My dad has issues.

Most of my dreams are related to my obsessive compulsive behavior about time -- I'm compulsively early for everything. In high school all my dreams were about getting to class but either being lost in the school (which was never an actual school, but mansions or mazes, or once memorably a western saloon) or extraneous things hindering me from getting there.

Okay...so maybe that is fucking weird.

Most of my dreams I don't remember. Others I try to remember because I think they could be developed into interesting story ideas, but they are usually never as good on a page as I remember them being in the dream. On occasion I also still have dreams about my dad's mom and like to think it's her way of saying "hi."

Last week I out the blue had a dream about this guy I used to work with and who I haven't seen in nearly a year.

Last time we hung out it was pure happenstance. I was driving back from having lunch with one of my friends and passed by his house as I was starting home. He happened to be outside, so I stopped and we ended up sitting and talking for a few hours with him in his pj's -- weird, I know. None of his other friends were answering their phones and his girlfriend was out of town, so I guess he welcomed some company.

We always got along well and had a nice banter back and forth whenever we worked together. He's a Joss fan, I'm a Joss, fan. We'd throw quotes back and forth. Like when I was working full time and was still a full time student I would occasionally tell him "fire bad, tree pretty" (Graduation, Buffy, season 3) because I was exhausted and a little sleep drunk when ever we closed together.

I can be highly entertaining when I'm sleep drunk because I laugh at anything and everything. Yeah -- if you ever need a self esteem boost hang around me when I'm sleep drunk -- you'll be the funniest person in the world.

So, I will admit to having a bit of a crush on him. Personality wise we're very different -- I'm quiet and tend to avoid confrontation, he's loud and at times combative. But we have similar family histories, similar trust issues, we're both would-be writers, we both retain film/TV quotes in a sickeningly sad amount, both think Christopher Titus might have been the most normal person on TV ever -- we had plenty to talk about, but he has a girlfriend who he's been with since I met him -- and I'm not that kind of person, who would do anything inappropriate or to threaten that. Yes, I know the hanging out in his pj's thing sounds bad, but there was still nothing inappropriate.

Really it's perfect for me. Because we can hang out every now and then, but there's none of the scariness of a prospective relationship beyond friendship. I have a tendency to high-tail it the other way when people -- well men -- get too close. What can I say -- I have daddy issues.

So then I had this dream about him and it was a very...pleasant dream. Not dirty pleasant, but comfy pleasant. But I have no idea where it come from. I hadn't really thought about him much in the past year and then poof -- pivotal figure in a dream.

Of course now, I'm constantly thinking about him and have had two more dreams, because I want to know why I had the original dream in the first place. What in my subconscious made me think of him?

It's all very weird.

And speaking of weird --

Thursday after dinner I noticed that my left arm felt...funky. My bicep ached and it was kind of hard to hold up that arm. Then I could feel it in my forearm too and my fingers even tingled a bit.

I didn't panic immediately, but I was a bit freaked-out. I don't have the best family history when it come to heart disease and up until the last six months, I have not been very good to my body food-wise. So, I'm paranoid about having early heart problems.

So, I went to bed and tied not to worry about it. I even slept really good that night and otherwise felt fine.

Well it was still bothering me Friday morning. I went to work like normal, but was slowly starting to panic, so I called my mom because doesn't every body want their mommy when they don't feel good?

I mentioned to her that I had hit my elbow on my desk Thursday morning and she thought I probably had damaged a nerve and that that was causing the tingling in my fingers, since I wasn't having pain anywhere else.

So a panic attack was averted, but my arm still feels weird. Doesn't hurt as much, but my fingers still feel a little heavy.

Anyone who has actually read through all this -- you're a saint, because I realize there's nothing all that interesting here.

Well off to enjoy a day of laundry and hopefully relaxation. I have to go into work sometime this weekend to catch up, which I really don't want to do, but there's just not enough time in the week to get everything done that they are expecting me to do right now.

After watching "Thursday Update" the other night I've decided that there are a lot of issues that my bosses just need to be told -- "FIX IT!"

So after all that here's a clip from my favorite clip from "Thursday Update." Enjoy and have a nice weekend.

Debates and other randomness

2008-10-08T07:35:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm back on my oh my God I can actually write something substantial and decent part of my up and down creative writing cycle and therefore have been neglectful of my blog writing, so here's just some random thoughts and gripes from the week so far....and it's only Wednesday.

It was interesting watching the debates last night. I hadn't planned on watching because most of the time things like that just get me riled up and then I can't sleep because I want to argue with the people too, but I ended up turning to it and couldn't look away.

I know this is shallow and should in no way effect how I vote, but I was really fascinated by how they each moved. It was rather distracting for me because you have Obama who was like jazz and then McCain who was like old-school Nintendo music. (I think I may be forming a little bit of a crush on Obama -- he is one of the more attractive candidates we've had in a long time, I think).

I also just found McCain to be rather condescending -- both to Obama and to us. Something about the "my friends" thing really rubbed me the wrong way, as well as his failed attempts at humor.

I also was really bothered by this idea of America being a nation of good -- not to sound unpatriotic. I'm happy being an American. I have no plans to ran away to Canada anytime soon -- unless they ever make it possible for Arnold to run for president and he wins. Then I will be high-railing it to Canada. Or Norway -- Norway apparently has really good health care and I actually have a little Norwegian in me...but I digress.

I don't really believe in absolute, back and white, good and bad -- "good" and "bad" are all about your own personal perspective and I'm sure the Russians have the opposite view: that we're the "evil empire." Plus people are people and we all have the ability to do good and not so good things and since a nation is run by people it's impossible for it to be completely good or completely bad.

That's not to say that I don't think there is evil in the world -- I think it's very apparent that there is, but just the average person, who isn't devoid of emotion and doesn't do evil for the pleasure of it, is capable of good and bad. Even the most honorable man in the world is, on occasion, going to make some stupid descions.

I just think you skirt on dangerous territory when you entertain the idea of one group being this ideal force of good and another being a force of evil, because through out history people have done things that they thought they had the right to do -- in the name of their God, country or what have you, but in the same breath caused the deaths of hundreds of people. Our ancestors came here seeking freedom and ending up nearly wiping out a native race of people. More people died in our civil war than in both of the world wars combined -- so I think we have to be very careful about labeling ourselves anything, because when we fall (and everyone does occasionally at varying degrees) it's going to hurt even more.

Okay, enough soapbox -- I realize I very well may not know enough about the world to say these things but it's just the way I see it.

Work is driving me crazy -- I don't understand why it takes four months to even come up with a plan of action to do something when initially we were told would be done within the next couple of weeks.

I really wish I could Tabitha my way through all the boxes of phones that are circling my cubicle or that the other Tabitha on Bravo (I want to be her when I grow up) would expand to not only doing salons but other small businesses as well. I'm just so sick of watching the whiners who do half-assed jobs get coddled, while the rest of us get swept to the side. And they wonder why morale is down.

A part of me wants to look around for a new job, but I'm also worried that I won't be able to find anything that offers they pay I'm getting and the benefits I have. And I just don't feel like I have a good finical cushion right now to take that kind of risk. I guess I just need to stop complaining and get to work. LOL.

Was that even a sentence?

2008-10-03T07:30:00.003-04:00

So, I caught about 20 minutes or so of the VP debate last night -- sometime just before their closing statements and I honestly have no idea what Palin was saying. There were key words being thrown left and right, but did she really say anything? She looked more like a beauty queen fielding questions, than she did a vice presidential candidate. Plus she just seemed to talk circles and by the time she finished I had completely forgotten what the moderator's original question was.

Maybe it's just me, but it irritates me when politicians say that they're just like me or that they came from a working class family and therefore know what your average person goes through on a day to day basis. I'm sorry but they don't. Maybe at one time they did, but it's inevitable that as you move up in the racks that you will lose sight of the "common people." The people that do the dirty jobs without recognition or worry every month whether or not they are going to get their bills paid without driving themselves into debt. I'm not saying it's their fault, but just an unfortunate side effect.

Look at in a smaller scale: the owners of my company for example. They started out as sales reps and worked their way up to owning their own market with three people and a handful of sales reps running a whole blooming company. But now, if you asked either of the owners what I do on a day to day basis, neither of them would be able to give you a concise answer (and their offices are right across the hall), because they have become too far removed. They make descions with no idea as to how it will effect the workload or job of a particular person. It's not really their fault -- they just got too caught up in other aspects.

So don't tell me you understand -- tell me what you plan to do, plainly and concisely, without the run around.

I have to agree with what MusicWench said in her Blue State post regaurding Obama's ads. I like seeing him in a chair just talking to us about what he wants to do as president and not why we shouldn't vote for McCain. For a few seconds it gives the illusion that he is in your living room, explaining what he plans to do for you. It's a comforting feeling because it makes him seem as if he really does care and that he's not just running lines by us. When was the last time we had a presidential candidate do such a thing?

Thursday! Thursday! Thursday!

2008-10-02T07:26:00.010-04:00

So Thursday is the only TV night that I really look forward to and with the frustrations at work and murky finical situation in the country at the moment, some mindless fun is much needed.

First is "My Name is Earl." I will admit that the novelty of "Earl" has worn off on me, so I don't care much whether I see it or not, but I do enjoy it when I catch it. Plus, I kind of heart Jason Lee, for which I entirely blame Kevin Smith. Ethan Suplee (another Kevin Smith find) is hilarious as the dim witted, Randy. Even though he is an idiot I can't help but love the fact that his character is scared of birds because I am scared of birds (don't ask why -- I have no idea).

Then there's Joy (Jaime Presley) who just might be the best part of "Earl" and whose finger swinging and "Oh Snap!" has ingrained itself onto my psyche. In fact the first time I saw the LOCI episode "Untethered" and we get to the part where Goren is confronting his brother and Frank goes "just take Eames to a motel and get it out of your system" -- I busted out laughing. Why? Because in my head all I saw was Joy in a corner going "Oh Snap!" Seemed like a pretty appropriate response to me.

"The Office" has turned into one of my favorite shows. I know it gets a lot of flack for being an American remake and if I had been a fan of the British version I'd probably be scoffing right along with them, but I find it hilarious. Of course there's the Pam and Jim storyline and I'm just waiting for the fallout to take place since things have been so good between the too. I'm single and commitment-phobic, and if possible I'd like to live vicariously through them. I know I'm in the minority, but for once I'd like to see a TV couple just be happy -- I have no desire to see them turn into a Ross and Rachel -- "The Office" (I hope) is too smart for that.

Plus we have other couples to amuse ourselves with: the trifecta of Dwight, Angela, and Andy, and then another with Micheal, Jan, and the new HR person, played by Amy Ryan.

Amy Ryan is enough reason to pull me to "The Office" every week. The more I see her the more I want to see her. She was amazing in "Gone Baby Gone." This is the first comedic role I have ever seen her in and she does slapstick just as well as drama. She and Steve Carrell are great together -- on the premier last week they rapped. It was awesome -- white people rapping in general is pretty funny, but when you add straight-laced dorks to the equations the hilarity gets bumped up a few notches.

Here's a best of video I found on You Tube from ionre:

Then come November, LOCI will be back on Thurdays as well. I'm still a little nervous about the whole new writing staff, but hopefully it will be good and we will get more episodes that blend the personal and the professional in a believable way with out going to far over the top -- it's TV they're going to go a little over the top. And I am getting excited to see what Jeff Goldblum brings to the table. Either way it should at least be interesting to see where they take out detectives. I'm hoping we see a solid Goren and Eames partnership (and lots of ambiguity as far as how deep their relationship goes ;)) and a mending Goren -- because for the love of God I've over the angst.

Oh well...ta-ta for now.

Dollhouse Trailer

2008-09-28T12:01:00.003-04:00

Found this trailer on YouTube for the new Joss Whedon series that's will be coming to Fox I believe next year. I was a little surprised to learn that he was doing another series snce he was pretty annoyed with TV after the cancellation of "Firefly" and then "Angel" the next year. But I'm excited to see him back and bringing Buffy/Angel alum Eliza Duschu and Amy Acker (who was also appeared on the LOCI episode "Smile" as Leslie).

Two museums and a funeral

2008-09-28T10:40:00.008-04:00

So, I spent the last few days in Arlington and in D.C. with my dad's family for my grandfather's burial at Arlington National Cemetery. You can read my comments on his memorial service in July here.

I had never been to a formal Military service before with the drums, rifles, and the folding of the flag. First we followed in our cars to meet the horse drawn carriage with the casket, which wasn't an actual casket. One end pulled out like a drawer and one of the uniforms presented the urn with his ashes and placed it in the drawer so we could follow the casket to the burial site.

It was all pretty neat to watch, but it was still hard to sit through because so many things seemed wrong. I've never been one for pomp and circumstance, for one, and it just felt like another round of self-indulgent bullshit for Wivi, my grandfather's wife -- who he married within a year of my grandmother's death -- needless to say, we had some issues with that.

After the ceremony, my older cousin, Gina, noticed that the open plot beside his, which was getting ready to be filled, had a little plaque with the name "Gertrude" on it. Gertrude was my grandmother's name. So that was really neat because it felt like a nod from Nanie (what we called our grandmother) to say she's still watching and she's still here. Because all of us felt like it was Nanie who should have been given that flag and not Wivi. Nanie was the one who spent fifty years of her life with him and he was not an easy man to be around.

Afterwards, Wivi and her friends came back to our hotel for drinks -- causing those of us who can't survive on alcohol and nicotine alone to not have lunch until dinner time. It's inevitable that whenever I am with my dad's family I am going to miss at least one meal because these people don't eat.

And Wivi bragged about how she was donating her money to the MOWW, an organization my grandfather was involved in. She didn't help any of us pay for the trip or our hotel rooms of the drinks that she and her friends consumed, but she had to proclaim her donation.

Luckily, my aunt Donna paid for everything. She moved to TX before I was even born and I can easily count all the times I've seen her in person. She is also probably the most well adjusted of my dad's siblings and sadly it is mostly due to the fact that she got away. I wish I had more time to actually sit and talk to her one on one, but it's hard when you only have a couple days to spend with your whole family.

She's the only person I know who can actually force my dad to actually participate in family functions/outings...she even forced him to stay seated and have a conversation for a couple hours with all of us. Anxious is an extreme understatement when describing my dad -- I'm not sure if there is a term to explain how anxiety ridden he is.

I like having Donna around because she actually gets everyone to talk about things and she blatantly tells my dad that he doesn't know me and should talk to me. So it was nice for all of us to sit around in talk.

Friday we spent in D.C. and took the Metro to what it called "The Mall." It's actually the two mile stretch of museums that make up the Smithsonian. We went to the Natural History Museum and the American Indian Museum. The Indian museum was awesome and I spent alot of time salivating in there gift shop over all of their silver/turquoise jewelry -- my favorite.

The exhibits were wonderfully set up. You can learn more about it at The National Museum of the American Indian website.

I really love Native American culture, so it was great to see all the art and the mini-histories on all the different tribes. It has exhibits about their past and evolution, but also focuses alot on the culture today and who they are as a people today. This actually ties into a conversation I had with Musicwench about hunting and respect for life, because I think Native Americans are the only hunters that truly respect the animals they hunt. They may kill an animal for food and clothing, but they also respect that animal and honor it. I highly respect that ideology.

It was stressful trying to plan things with seven people, but all and all it was a good time and I'm glad I went. I was really, really tense about going, but it turned up working out well. I'm definitely tired and was glad to come home yesterday, but it was good.

"Please note: we are no longer accepting letters of recommendation..."

2008-09-23T07:31:00.005-04:00

A conversation I heard the other day between two of my co-workers (well one co-worker, one boss -- well rather boss/wife of one of the owners) about how she (the boss) were starting to look for pre-schools to send her three and a half year old to. Naturally my pop-cultured littered mind immediately began to think about an episode of LOCI -- "Please Note: We are No Longer Accepting Letters of Recommendation from Henry Kissenger," which is about this parent who goes on a killing spree to get her two year old son into this prestigious school.

Now, I'm not saying my bosses would kill to get their child into a prestigious school, but they obviously are putting a lot of stock into where they end up sending her. They, especially the wife, seem to be much more about appearance than anything else and her children just seem to add to what she wants her image to be: wife, mother, business woman, but the fact is she doesn't really seem to do any whole heatedly. They have a nanny that spends most of the time with the kids and their daughter, the 3 year old, is quite the little hellion. They're just like, "oh she beats to her own drummer" as the child is running and yelling up and down the hallway. There's a fine line between letting your child be who they are and raising them to be disrespectful to others.

Personally, I think private school will only add to this because it puts you in this neat little box where the majority of people around you are just like you: white in an upper-middle class to upper class family. I'm sorry, but I don't care how good the academics are because this does not prepare you for the real world, where there are --gasp-- people that are not like you and who will completely disagree with you and call you out if you do something that they don't like.

I grew up in public school and in public schools that were not in the best areas of Newport News, which is a long strip that gets progressively higher in economic status as you move closer to Williamsburg, but I also went to schools with tough teachers and ones who actually prepared you for college.

I was astounded when I got to college at how many people did not know how to write a formal essay -- I had to learn that in middle school -- granted I also went to a public college that accepts way more students than it should.

I realize I was lucky because I was able to take the "pre-IB" classes, which were I guess like accelerated classes, but the more people who move away from public schools and into private schools, the more good teachers are going to move too. And that's why a typical high school class graduates without knowing how to write a simple essay, because they can't keep the really talented teachers.

Private schools only add to the considerable divide between the rich and the poor and in subliminal ways teaches one set that they are the future leaders and another that they really just don't matter that much.

How can we expect change in our society if we're, even if subconsciously, instilling this us v. them mentality? How do you expect your kids to be truly compassionate and open minded if they never see how other people live?

Plus it just irks me -- this idea of putting you're toddler into a competitive academic arena, because a part of me is just like let them be a kid for a couple more years before they have worry about grades and homework. Is it really necessary for success in the world? Plus it just seems likes it's more for the parents than the children -- as if it's just another symbol of their their lifestyle.

Maybe, I'm being too harsh, but I just think we should put more value in our public schools, because the majority of us can not afford to send our kids to private school, but that shouldn't mean that those kids don't deserve just as solid an education as those who can.

How I love the smell of chlorine in the morning

2008-09-22T07:37:00.002-04:00

I'm really fascinated by smells and how they connect so heavily with people's memories. Like every now and then I'll come across the mixture of cigerettes and mints, which always reminds me of my dad's mom because that's what her purse always smelled like. I still remember the first time I encountered this smell after she died.

I was working at a CD store and I was ringing up this older woman. And there was that smell and I was taken aback by it because of what it made me think about. Now it's not nesicarily a nice smell or one I want around, but there's still a connection to it that is hard to explain.

My mom is that way with the smells of a barn: the leather, dirt, dust, hay, and horses. She loves that smell because she was a horse person and had a horse from the time she was thirteen until I was about eight or nine. We would go to Bush Gardens in Williamsburg once every summer and if I had let her, my mom would have been content spending the how time in the little stable they have.

It's a smell that reminds her of a passion she no longer has the means to indulge in and that's how I was with chlorine.

My dad's mom, Nanie, taught me how to swim and the moment she got me over my fear of having my head underwater, she couldn't get me out of that pool. I spend as much time as she would let me in the pool whenever I was at her house. I spent so much time that my hair eventually got blonde streaks from the sun and chlorine and I would get this gorgeous deep tan.

After she died, the pool went with her and it became a rare treat to get in a pool maybe once a summer -- not nearly enough. And I missed it. I missed it so much -- in the same why my mom misses being around horses, but I have summoned up some courage and joined a public pool.

It's at a Jewish community center and I pass by it everyday on my way home from work, so there's no excuse for me not to go.

I went for the first time last Friday and was very proud of myself. I am generally pretty prudent, not to mention overweight, and am not at all comfortable with being in a bathing suit in public, but I did it -- of course it helps that I'm pretty much blind without my glasses and everyone just looks like a blurb of color anyway. So even if they are looking and scruntinizing, I am blissfully ignorant thanks to my ridiculously poor eyesight -- who knew that would ever be a plus.

But even the day that I just went on the tour of the facility, when I was assulted by the chlorine and water, I was ready to jump in right then and there.

Then afterwards, even after taking a shower, I could still faintly smell the chlorine and to me it was a wonderful smell. And it just felt so good to be in the water again -- it's probably been two years since I've been in a pool.

Obviously barn smells and chlorine aren't popular smells, but I think it's intersting how they become more than just a smell.

Well I have to get to work. It's going to both a short and a long week since I am taking Thursday and Friday off to go to my dad's father's second funeral -- his ashes are being buried in Arlington National -- and I have a tone of stuff to get done from now through Wednesday at work, but I can actually see my desk again which is nice. One of my co-workers and I came in Saturday and cleaned up some stuff.

I'm both excited to get out of town for a couple days, but on edge because my dad's family has a tendency to stress me out.

So needless to say I won't be online much this week.

I'm Kate Hepburn too!

2008-09-22T07:34:00.001-04:00

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Katharine Hepburn

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

Take'>http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-classic-dames-test">Take The Classic Dames Test at

The Idea of True Womanhood

2008-09-16T07:30:00.021-04:00

After watching the SNL skit with Tina Fey (how I heart her) and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton, which really played on the hypocrisy of how Palin is being treated versus how Hilary was treated, I started thinking about the idea of womanhood versus the reality of it. If you have not seen the skit, check out this post by Musicwench: http://musicwench.blogspot.com/2008/09/for-posterity.html

The truth of the matter, whether we like it or not, is that Palin represents what people want to believe is ideal womanhood and that, to a big part of society at least, makes her a safer choice. She is change, but she's not radical change. The right-wing, white men of America, who have a big influence in this country, feel safe with her because she represents what most of us are told our whole lives that we're supposed to be: attractive, ambitious, but also traditional at the same time. We're supposed to stand beside the man, not in front of him. We're bakers, mothers, and the force that is supposed to hold together the "American Dream" of nuclear families and strong Christian values.

If you don't fit into that mold then you are a threat to what white conservative men see as the preservation of our society (i.e. Hilary Rodman Clinton). Personally, I think this whole ideology is bullshit, but that doesn't change the fact that most fundamentalist societies/sects adhere to this idea of womanhood.

Talk about hypocrisy. Women, thanks to fundamentalist ideas, are thought to not have or deserve the same rights as men, but yet are Representative of the purity and honor of a family or a society. In extremist Muslim societies they have "kitchen accidents" or what's more widely called "honor killings" of a wife or daughter who has tainted the family's honor by no longer being a virgin (whether the sex was consensual or not) or having an affair or if your husband thinks you've had an affair.

In Christian societies it all goes back to Eve, who (if you believe the creation story) was made from man for man (at least that's how old leaders of the church would like us to interpret it). And of course what really gave Eve a bad rap (and the rest of us by extension) was her eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge. Of course what people like to forget is that in the Bible it does actually say, speaking of Adam, "who was with her" (Genesis 3 verse 6). It is interesting how a story can change when one little tid-bit of information is included or excluded.

Personally, I had three important female figures in my life that in one why or another shaped my view of womanhood...even if in some instances through observation it urged me to be the opposite of what I saw. My mother grew up in the ideal nuclear family and she always thought that she would be like her mother and be a housewife. Of course then she married my dad and didn't exactly get what she bargained for. So, she spent my whole life working a dead in job to make ends meet with no college education.

My dad's mother was a housewife, but she did not hold to this Christian ideology -- in fact I think I get my fascination with other religions from her. At the same time however, she stayed in a marriage with a man she couldn't stand because she saw herself as not having any other options.

My mother's mother (my mom-mom) was a housewife, but also had a college education -- rare for a woman who grew up in the atmopshere and time that she grew up in. In fact she and my grandfather met while in Pharmacy school, but she gave it up to be a housewife. Looking back, I wish I had had the foresight to ask her about how she felt about that decision before she died: whether she still would have chosen being a wife and mother over having a career.

She was a very smart person...and I mean like "Jeopardy" smart. She was always really good at math, word puzzles (crosswords, scrabble...she almost solved every puzzle on "Wheel of Fortune" before the contestants), and just had a really good memory of general knowledge. I just really would love to know if she was really satisfied with the choices she made, because she so obviously could have done so many things with her life if she had wanted to. Now, don't think I'm thumbing my nose at being a housewife -- it's not for me, God knows, but that doesn't mean I can't believe that it's what some women genuinely want.

Feminism isn't about excluding choices -- it's about having them in the first place.

In many ways women's rights and a woman's ability to rise to the same success as a man has drastically changed, but there is still an attitude (maybe not quite as loud as it used to be) that holds women to this old view and standard of what womanhood is supposed to be. Unfortunatly the rest of us who can't or refuse to fit into this get the brunt of ridicule from the right-winged, moral majority -- whatever they are calling themselves these days -- and are blamed for what they precieve as the downfall of American society.

Palin will only help support this idea and, though it will be quite a historical event to be the first female vice president if McCain is elected, she will not change anything for women. Clinton held the possibility of truly changing the idea of womanhood in soceity and that's why she was so strongly ridiculed.

Okay, you got me with a useless test...

2008-09-14T10:32:00.002-04:00

Your result for The Mythological Goddess Test...

Isis

This Egyptian supreme Goddess is certainly the most influential deity on subsequent cultures. She was the ideal figure of womanhood, usually compared with the Greek Goddess Demeter or her Roman version, Ceres.

Isis was one element of a Holy Trinity, the remaining two figures being her brother and husband Osiris and their heroic son Horus. She was the Goddess of Magic for her brilliance, as well as the Goddess of Love because of her tenacious devotion.

She is often shown with wings, curving to caress coffins and sarcophagi of many a king. In certain papyri she is shown with her falcon wing headdress, covering her ears. One of her sacred symbols is the sistrum, a musical instrument that was believed to ward off evil spirits. Isis' sistrum was carved bearing the image of a cat and was representative of the Moon.

Isis was the High Priestess and an omnipotent magician as well as the only being ever to discover the secret name of Ra. She invariably carries the ankh, the symbol for eternal life. Her name is, by the rules of numerology, adding up to the number 2 and she just so happens to be depicted on the tarot card Key 2 The High Priestess.

The Fifteen Goddesses

These are the 15 categories of this test. If you score above average in

all or none of the four variables: Neit.
Erudite: Minerva.
Sensual: Aphrodite.
Martial: Artemis.
Saturnine: Persephone.

Erudite & Sensual: Isis.
Erudite & Martial: Sekhmet.
Erudite & Saturnine: Nemesis.
Sensual & Martial: Hera.
Sensual & Saturnine: Bast.
Martial & Saturnine: Ilamatecuhtli.

Erudite, Sensual & Martial: Maeve.
Erudite, Sensual & Saturnine: Freya.
Erudite, Martial & Saturnine: Sedna.
Sensual, Martial & Saturnine: Macha.

Take The Mythological Goddess Test at HelloQuizzy

Everything is All Wonky

2008-09-11T12:54:00.011-04:00

First off, I have to say -- "It's frickin' freezin' in here Mr. Bigelsworth!"

There is no such thing as a comfortable temperture in our office. It's either stuffy, but still chilly or so cold my fingernails are purplish and the joints in my fingers slightly ache. In the two years that I have been here, it would take all of my fingers and toes to count the number of times they've had technitians out here to work on it. In the middle of the humid, Virginia summers you'll find us here in hoodies and little heaters turned on near our feet. It is both hillarious and ridiculous -- and this coming form a person who likes being cool.

Besides that my whole equilbrium feels like it has been off all week. All day yesterday (Wednesday) I thought it was Tuesday, but today (Thursday) I feel like it's Friday.

For some reason my brain on occasion goes into these manic-like ADD episodes where I can not focus on anything. I can't write -- I've tried every night this week, but just end up staring at a blank page or only being able to do a few measely edits here and there. The really annoying thing though is that while I'm at work I am a plethora of ideas and scenes and conversations, and periodically find myself staring at my computer at work, realizing that I have no idea how long I've been lost in my own la-la land. Luckily the current story I'm updating is pretty much written anyway.

These states also seem to coincide with me doing more internet surfing and playing with new websites (i.e. sprucing up this very blog) and then doing something, that looking back, really made no sense. Like yesterday, I created another blog for my Fan Fiction, which seemed like a good idea, but really was a waste of time. Anyone who wants to read my stuff can find it on ff.net and I'm sure no one will find it and read it anyway, but yet it's there now. I guess I'll still transfer stuff over there since it's there and I mean with my luck with computers it won't hurt to have stuff there as a back up.

I feel both over and under stimulated right now. My job is pretty boring, but I have so much stuff to do that I don't know where to start. I'm slowly losing the battle over the territory that is my cubicle to mountains of phones and accesories that seem, well not seem -- they quite literaly do -- multiple every week. The problem is this is turning into a two man job and I am still only one, but hopefully by next month there will in fact be two of us -- if the bosses keep to their plans which they aren't always the greatest at.

I guess it's just mental pacing...I'm a physical pacer too, which I came by very naturally. Just about everyone it my dad's family paces, wags a foot, or something. I apparently pace and play with websites out of bordum.

So, I'm going to take in deep breaths and try to focus -- maybe having gotten this out will help.

Praying to be Straight -- ???

2008-09-10T07:41:00.006-04:00

So I caught a blurb on AOL news about how Saran Palin's church promotes gay "conversion" and prayer and "therapy" (God only knows what constitutes as therapy for this) to help people fight their homosexual urges.

I am generally not one to harp in on political debates because I feel there are other people out there who have similar views and who can express the issues more intelligently than I can, but this whole idea of homosexuality being a choice just baffles me.

First off, who in their right mind, who is part of a society that is so fixated on being normal and popular, would choose to be gay?

I just don't buy this idea that you can train someone to be something that that are instinctively not. I don't think our sexuality is something we learn, but something that is biological and instinctual. That's not to say that our environment doesn't effect our reactions to sex and our own sexuality, but I don't think that it dictates it.

Several years ago I saw a really interesting documentary on MSNBC (there's actually an Law & Order: SVU episoded based on this case) where two twin boys were born, but one of them was very badly injured during his circumcision. The damage was so severe that he would never be a fully functional male. So, this extreme doctor suggested that the parents raise him as a girl.

And that's what they did. As a baby he had surgeries to make him look as if he was a girl and then when he hit puberty was given hormones to develop as a girl. The family treated him as a girl and encouraged him to act accordingly, but he had no interest in being a girl. He wasn't attracted boys, he had no interest in "girly" things, and a part of him always new that something was not right with him.

When he finally did discover what happened to him he began the process of turning back into a male, but there was already so much physical and psychological damage done.

It was a very sad story and I think he ended up killing himself when he got older.

But I think that just goes to show people that fighting your own nature is only going to be detrimental to your life. How many families do we see torn apart because one parent finally admits that they've been living lie, all for the sake of keeping up appearances?

As long as they aren't hurting themselves or others, just let people be who they are and quite frankly I don't particularly want to believe in an elitist God. If there is a god, he/she/it, should be above petty differences.

Poems

2008-09-08T18:08:00.004-04:00

I was searching through my mom's computer (which I had when I was still in school) the other weekend and found these few poems that I wrote my last semester. I don't fancy myself much of a poet but these are a few that I liked and thought had potential. I should warn you: I am apparently incapable of writing happy poems, so they're pretty dark. Any contructive criticism is welcome.

The Bride

She sits in the grass,
Her horse standing beside
Her, leather reins curled
Around her fingers.
She is getting married

Tomorrow. Two families crowding
Her parents back yard. Two mothers
Watch their children hold hands
in front of the tree, whispering
Vows. She imagines

Herself as mother, baker, planner.
Getting the kids ready
And off to school, planning
Dinners and summer drives
To the lake, Dad at the wheel,
Hollering, quiet down.

She stares out at the sky,
Her head resting on the horse’s
Leg, hands on her knees.
She stares across the field.
In ten years it will be a highway
And her horse will be dead.

Last Impressions

All hospitals are sterile,
with long hallways putrid
from antiseptic spray and urine.
Inside I try not to look
at the string of beds
filled with strangers, parked
like rusted cars from a rotting
coaster. My eyes connect
with the speckled floor and Dad
leads me to her bed. My stomach,
already nauseous, slowly turns
like a roller-coaster inching up
the first hill. I look at her feet
first. Toes peek through the edge
of a white blanket. I have an
urge to paint over the coral
polish that has began to chip
and fade. She would have
wanted them to be finished. Presentable.
a tube rests, where fake teeth
should be, helping her to breathe.
Her doctor says, patients become addicted
to respirators. I watch the machine
pump up and down. Pictures
of her life drinking and smoking
linger in my head.
I feel hot. The coaster
has reached the curve and is ready
to dive. Things get dark,
my hearing is turned down,
I sink into the floor. It is quiet.
Dad carries me
to the waiting room, my eyes refocus.
Fluorescent lights bounce
off white walls. He leaves me
on a worn green chair and I am
not allowed back in.

A Daughter's Tale

Remember the night when you
nearly snapped my neck?
You stopped, pleading sorry and told me
when you were a boy
you peered through the crack
of the hall closet. You father held the tie,
strangling your mother and slapped
her cheek. You wrap your hands
around my neck, pinching
my skin between your fingers, teaching me
the weight of your hands.
God rules the man, but the man rules
me. A lesson I should have learned
by now. On our wedding night
you bloodied my lip for the first time, dripping
red spots on a white satin dress. Accusing me
with your finger, yelling,
each of you carries the burden
of Eve. An idea you learned
from your mother, who watches me
every Christmas, the only one
who knows the burden I carry
and the lesson I might pass
to my own son, who sits
on his grandpa’s lap, tearing
into his presents.

Murdering my darlings

2008-09-05T17:50:00.007-04:00

Over at the Major Case board there has been some speculation about the future of Nicole Wallace (Goren's Nemesis). An article posted there included a blurb from someone who said that the end of "Frame" seemed ambiguous for the Nicole character. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see how a heart in a box is ambiguous. It sounds pretty finite to me (and this coming from an "Angel" fan who totally bought into the pissed off, pregnant vampire storyline).

The whole thing has sparked quite a debate about whether or not Nicole is really dead. I for one think it's time to leave her dead and buried. I think Nicole is a really fascinating character, but I think it's better to let interesting characters go while they are still interesting instead of waiting until they've been completely dried up of interest.

I've enjoyed all the Nicole episodes, but if I look at it objectively and compare it to some of my other favorite characters who have been killed off my favorite shows, Nicole should have died at the end of "Great Barrier" the third episode she was in. There was an alternate ended where she did die -- Goren shot her, which I don't particular like the idea of him killing her -- it seems out of character, but I think Eames shooting first would have been perfect and fitting.

That really would have been the height of her interest as a developing character, because "Great Barrier" is the first time we see the tables turn -- where Goren is rattling her and she isn't rattling him. I mean in the interogation scene she looks like a tiger in a cage, where as in the first two she's completely calm and in control. We really learn how deep her psychosis goes in this episode and it would have been so much more poignant for her to die then rather than now.

All of this got me thinking about all of the other recurring characters in series that I adore that have died in their prime and who were still interesting and could very well produce more storylines, but as a professor I had in a fiction workshop once said, "sometimes you have to murder your darlings." Meaning, sometimes even the initial idea that sparked a whole story has to be let go because it doesn't fit any longer into the bigger picture that has developed.

Now, of course here is where I go off on a Joss Whedon tangent (you knew it was coming) because he is a master at letting go of wonderful characters (good and evil ones) while they were still fresh and fascinating and enjoyable -- which makes their loss all the more important.

The Jenny Calender death is the first death in the "Buffy" series of a major recurring character and it really sets the mood for the whole last story arch for the second season. It signified that no one is safe anymore -- things are going to get bad and then they are going to get worse.

Darla (the pissed off, pregnant vampire mentioned earlier) is still one of my favorite deaths of a character ever. There's just the right amount of soap and genuine emotion to make it just a wonderful moment. We see her struggling with these emotions that she doesn't know what to do with because of the child and then her killing herself because she knows once that baby leave her body she will once again be this hollow evil thing that won't think twice about killing that child.

And of course, Whedon's masterpiece on the reality of death, the episode of "Buffy" called "The Body." He did several experimental episode -- it's one of the advantages of doing a show like "Buffy" -- you can get away with a lot more and try things that are out of the usual format more easily and actually get away with it.

"Hush" is probably the most noted experimental episode because about 70-80% of it has no dialogue. And for a show that is really grounded in it's quick wit, is really impressive.

"The Body" though is even more quiet because, even though there is dialogue, there is no music. This is also an episode that is much more like a short film, than a "Buffy" episode. It's about something that we all eventually go through -- losing a parent. and unlike any other death on "Buffy" is a natural, unexplainable death. Joyce, Buffy's mom, was a beloved character, but it was time to let her go and time to push Buffy into adulthood -- that couldn't have been done as effectively as it was in the following seasons if Joyce was still around.

I'm not sure if i did this right, but hopefully below there is a youtube video that is part of a little documentary on the making of "The Body." Where Joss Whedon and his writers talk about the episode. It's unfortunately not the whole thing (it's a DVD extra on the season five set) but you get the gist.

"The Dark Knight"

2008-09-03T07:44:00.004-04:00

So I finally saw "The Dark Knight" this weekend. It was really the only summer blockbuster film I had any interest in seeing. I loved what Christopher Nolan did with "Batman Begins" because it wasn't as cartoony (and ironically much closer to the actual modern graphic novels) as the other live action Batman's that have been done in the past and I have to say that "The Dark Knight" stayed true to this.

If you've read Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight" (I won't lie -- I've only read excerpts) you see similarities in theme and in the use of media to move exposition. There's a wonderful cameo in the film by Anthony Michael Hall as an anchorman that helps paint this idea of what people are shown through the media or the powers that be, as opposed to the actual truth.

This is not an hero story and that's what I love about it. It's the image of what people think of as a hero versus the actual hero. In reality a hero is generally not the person who looks good on billboards -- it's the person who has to make the tough choices and who isn't afraid to be looked at as a problem if that's what the masses need to believe in order to survive within the chaos of their world.

Now I have to put a disclaimer on my next comments: I am generally not the kind of person who buys into the hype revolving around an actor or artist after their deaths -- in fact I think Eddie Veder is much more talented than Kurt Cobain -- I know blasphemous, but just my opinion -- so that being said I was absolutely amazed by Heath Ledger. He completely transformed himself. It didn't sound like him, look like him, and the little mannerisms and facial ticks he threw in where just brilliant. He was terrifying and was probably the only live action joker who had the same feel as the one we see in the comics. If you've read the "Hush" series, the Joker looks like a guy who would slit your throat and not think twice about it and that's how Ledger looked in this.

The Joker in many ways is Batman's other half -- what Batman could be if he got too lost and that was played on wonderfully in this.

Ledger's performance really does deserve the hype it's getting, but it also makes me incredibly sad and angry. I'm really tired of seeing all of these talented people within in my age bracket just dropping like flys. I mean, these are the people representing my generation to the masses and it's either death at a young age or idiot party girls -- it's infuriating, especially when it's someone like Ledger, or Brad Renfro who were genuinely talented people.

But I thought this was a really good watch...it's long and some parts do drag a little, but over all it was very well done and blended several storylines together and a believable way. It had a very "Heart of Darkness" feel to it in that it is about one character coming to terms with who they are -- who they've made themselves into -- and an other's fall from grace. Very good stuff.

Randomness

2008-08-26T07:22:00.005-04:00

Well, I pretty much broke my "at least one post a week" rule last week, so I just thought I'd throw up this general update.

Work has been crazy busy and my desk seriously looks like some giant vomitted Blackberries and aircards all over my cramped cubicle, but hopefully this will be under control soon. Last October or November we started more clearly defining our jobs/positions and now we are starting to refine those even more, so a lot of the extra stuff that I do that has nothing to do with what I was hired to do will be going to other people and our current filer is going to become my assistant. I think this will be good for me because it's going to force me to be more assertive and really be a supervisor.

I hope that this also helps to establish some sort of heiarchy in the office because right now if our project manager leaves there's no one here with the knowledge to take her place.

One of my co-workers quit/got fired -- yeah I didn't know both could happen at the same time, but hopefully it will be a blessing in disguise. He did need to go, but he also wasn't the biggest problem either. So we shall see. Seems like this should be a good evolution on what we started last year.

I have been working on several stories and I was about ready to go all Gallahger on my laptop this weekend. I had written this really, really good 25 page story that I was almost done with and my computer did this crazy thing that it does sometimes and wouldn't save it. It does this every now and then and I don't know why, but there's some sort of glich when I go to save something and it erases the document completely off of my thumb drive. Usually, I can just turn around and resave it, but this time when I tried there was another error and turned my 25 page masterpiece into jibberish.

I was livid. This is probably insane, but I actually think I'm feeling spiteful toward my computer right now, because I don't really want to even look at it. I mean, this is probably one of the better things I've written in a really long time and now I have to start all over and pray that I remember at least 70-80% of what was written.

Arg.

I guess, I just need to break down and call geek squad because something has not been right with my computer for a while now.

But on happier notes...I've been feeling really good. It's amazing what eating right and getting rid of 22 pounds can do. I can't wait to see what I feel like when 70 some is gone. I'm still having problems sticking to an exercise plan. I guess I need to get a membership somewhere with a pool because swimming is the only exercise I love, but there's the whole bathing suit in public thing and being in a pool that God only knows how many other people have been in and what they did in said pool -- it's a little eww.

But off to do real work now...

And the Computers will Inherit the Earth

2008-08-15T17:48:00.003-04:00

A discussion over at majorcase-ci about the love/hate relatinship people have with their computers made me think of this essay I wrote several years ago for a intro to writing class I took in college. I never have been able to find a good way to end it, so any ideas and/or constructive criticism is welcome.

Have you ever been convinced that your car is secretly trying to drive you clinically insane? Has it ever broken down for no apparent reason, then miraculously (just when someone else is around to inspect the problem) starts ever so gracefully? Have you ever contemplated the idea that your seemingly harmless computer is in cahoots with your car; that the accident with your nearly finished twenty page paper was a calculated move to short out what working circuits you have left?

The assumption that I have considered all these possibilities would be an understatement. My rational mind tells me that all of the disappearing papers and the cars that won’t start for no reason are just simple accidents, but my outlandish, and maybe a little paranoid, mind screams that even though these incidents may be coincidence now, in the future our cars, computers, or whatever man might create that is close or identical to human will eventually turn on it’s creator. The interesting question, though, is why will they turn against us? Will it be because these humanoid, walking, talking, maybe even feeling computers were made (at no fault of the maker, of course) evil? Or will that be man’s story when the creation wants freedom from the job it was made to do?

Let’s imagine this future.

The year is 2021. The third World War (the apocalyptic one everyone’s been debating since World War II) has ended, leaving Earth in turmoil and nearly obliterating all living creatures, and making the few that remain a prestigious sign of wealth. For those who are too unfortunate to afford or find a real animal can have a nearly perfect replica made. You want it, they build it: a cat, a dog, a mongoose, or even a human.

Yes, that’s right a human, or at least a sophisticated android that could easily pass as a real person. They were made to be servants to the real humans who fled Earth to the new colonies on Mars. These creations or creatures are feared by the government and have been banned from Earth.

But, as with any system, there are those who fall through the cracks and make their way to Earth only to be hunted, found, then killed…oh excuse me, I mean “retired” by bounty hunters in a police unit designed solely for this purpose.

This prophetic and grim proposal for our future was conjured by Philip K. Dick in his 1968 novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The story of the struggle between humans and androids could be very cut-and-dry, with the humans playing the never wrong or flawed heroes and the androids as the diabolical machines that are simply hell-bent on obtaining domination over man. Instead of using this predictable and boring set-up, Dick blurs the line between man and machine and dangles in front of the reader the question: what does it mean to be “human”?

Dick intertwines the ideas of what it is to be human and what it means to be mechanical or methodical in all of his characters, lacing thoughts of natural human wishes and rights into the minds of the androids, while leaving the humans unable to feel anything unless hooked up to a machine. Man can change his moods at a push of a button with an “Empathy Box” and have every emotion planned that is necessary for that day.

Rick Deckard, the protagonist of the novel, starts his morning not by picking out a suit, but by picking out his attitude. “‘I’ll dial what’s on my schedule for today.’ Examining the schedule for January 3, 2021, he saw that a businesslike professional attitude was called for” (4). In some ways this could be rather useful; you could without force simply smile and nod at a screaming authority figure, but all the possible emotions that could boil over at any given time to any given incident would be inactive. Iran, Deckard’s wife, upon thinking of death cannot feel any sadness: “‘So although I heard the emptiness intellectually, I didn’t feel it. My first reaction consisted of being grateful we could afford a Penfield mood organ. But then I realized how unhealthy it was, sensing the absence of life […] and not reacting’” (5). Man in Dick’s created world has made an android of himself by surrendering the outburst of emotion that is so typically human.

The androids on the other hand just simply want to know what it is like to be human and wish to feel the emotions and experiences that man is so quick to neglect. “‘Androids can’t bear children,’ she then said. ‘Is that a loss?’” Rachel, an android, reflects on the life of an android. “ ‘How does it feel to have a child? How does it feel to be born, for that matter? We’re not born; we don’t grow up; instead of dying from illness or old age; we wear out like ants,’” (193). Even though she is physically incapable of experiencing the full emotions of humans, she knows they are vital to what it means to be human.

"Pregnant for 46 Years"

2008-08-14T13:12:00.004-04:00

Since I'm a nerd I watch Discovery Health, TLC and other channels like that on a somewhat regular basis and I found this program the other night on TLC called "Pregnant for 46 Years." Now the idea of that being possible made me cringe since I find pregnancy more weird than beatiful and so I had to see what it was about.

The show was about atopic pregnancies, which I learned is when an egg is fertilized outside of the uterus -- usually in a filopian tube. So there was this woman from Morroco, I think, who forty-six years ago was pregnant with an atopic pregnancy but she fled the hospitial after witnessing another mother die. Then at 76 (46 years later) she begins to have pain in her abdomen and the doctors perform a scan revealing this calcified baby still inside of her.

This particularly stuck out to me because there was an episode of LOCI, where a woman had a calcified baby inside of her, which I thought was pretty odd and never imagined it happening in real life. But apprently it can and they do actually call them stone babies because once they surgically remove the baby from the mother it's literarly hard as stone from the mother's body protecting itself from a foriegn body. It's also a very dangerous procedure for the mother to have the baby removed because it becomes fussed with the mother's organs.

Some of the imagery they used in the documentery were similar to those used in the episode. For example, the doctors in the documentery said, "remove the baby from it's tomb" and the woman in the episode refers to herself as a coffin.

It was pretty interesting and I mean talk about ripped from the headlines...

Two to Go

2008-08-12T10:50:00.008-04:00

Well there's only two more episodes left of Law & Order: Criminal Intent for this season and then it's bye-bye Chris Noth and 99% of the production/writing staff.

Next week is Chris Noth's final episode and you can definitely see the build up of Logan becoming disenchanted with his job, but I'm honestly not sure if I'll be able to buy him just walking away. After 20 some years as a cop, what could he have not seen yet that would push him to walk away? Though I think it's either that (cause Logan doesn't seem like the kind to go gently into retirement) or that they kill him off. Now, I realize I'm in the minority, but I honestly would be okay if he went out with a nice, poignant (not soapy though) death scene. Maybe, I have just gotten used to watching characters I love die because of being so in love with Joss Whedon's series -- I mean jeez there was hardly anyone left at the end of "Angel," which is actually a pretty poignant message because all the human characters were either dead or hanging on by a thread and the characters with a bit of demon in them were the only ones left standing.

But I digress...

Either way the last two episodes of CI are going to be nail-biters. The season finale the following week, I think, has even higher expectations. For one it's Leight's and his writing team's parting gift to us. Plus I'm assuming there will be more Goren angst and the delightfully evil Nicole Wallace may be making an appearance. I think a wonderful gift Leight could leave us with would be to wrap up the Nicole storyline. I hope they can pull a story together that had the same grace as "Endgame" and not leave us with an unsettling and slightly disjointed episode like "Untethered" that really just had too much personal information crammed into one episode. Plus I think many of us fans are already a little unsettled about only one current writer returning for season eight.

I have to admit I am a little nervous about where the new showrunners will take the series, particularly the G/E episodes. Really, their new showrunner will have a much more difficult time I would think, since he has the veteran characters. Wheeler is still new enough and Goldblum's character will be completely fresh that their showrunner will be starting more from scratch than the G/E one (sorry their specific names escape me at the moment -- and for any who don't know Leight is being replace by two people: one for the G/E episodes and another for the W/unnamed Goldblum character).

There's alot of speculation on the CI forums about CI losing some of the depth that it has always had and turn into a straight procedural. I can see why people would worry about this, but being on USA, I think, would deter them from falling back on that, since USA is not about procedural dramas -- it's about characters.

The switching of writers doesn't bother me as much as the switching of the showrunner, though I really am going to miss Charlie Rubin and the other writers too. Most of the other shows I watch the creator and the showrunner are one in the same and usually write and/or direct a handful of episodes each season. But every episode passes through their hands at some point and time. Dick Wolf is credited as the creator of the series, but seems to be more a business man than a creative force behind his series. Granted he has a lot of talented writers and executive producers under him, but I wonder for character continuity if this will be a good thing or a bad thing.

I'm definitely willing to give season eight a chance and hope that I will be pleasantly surprised...and if not Joss Whedon has a new series coming out, so I'll just have to make due with that.

Arg...

2008-08-06T19:37:00.005-04:00

It's interesting how a person can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed all by the same thing. That's a pretty accurate description of my job -- not mentally very stimulating, but I have alot of boring, systematic things to do. I'm actually pretty good at systematic things and creating my own processes to get things done, but that doesn't mean I find it highly interesting.

My desk is over flowing with phones right now and I almost get caught up just before a new shipment of defectives comes in. So I basically can't get completely caught up right now. Plus it's commission week.

See all of our sales reps are independent contractors and once a month their sales from two months ago get commissioned out, which means us of the administrative staff all have something to keep track of to know which sales reps have turned in all their paperwork and which ones haven't, so we know whose checks to hold. I handle what's called Datascape, which is a system for customers to come in and pay their bill with cash. The sales reps turn those into me and then I do a deposit twice a week. This is one of those random tasks I got when i first started because at the time I had more idle time, but when my returns load is heavy like it has been it is very hard to do all of the maintenance stuff for datascape.

Then on top of all of that, we had a recall on a certain phone and have a week to call sales reps to get them shipped back to us, so I can then send them back to the vendor. Now the issue is it's not really my job to organize the collecting of the phones -- it's the Inventory supervisor. Of course he doesn't give me any great detail as far as when I should be expecting them or who's collecting them or even how many I should be expecting. I mean this could be a considerably time consuming project depending on how many there are and I'm the one that's going to have to do the bulk of the work once they get to the office and will only have a couple of days to do it.

So today I went in to talk to my boss, well one of them, and she pulled the list of how many there were that needed to be sent back and over half of them were sitting in the inventory closet in our main office. Why the inventory manager didn't give these to me Monday or Tuesday -- I don't know. He also had ones that were pulled from our local locations and never even mentioned it to anyone.

This is 20 grand worth of phones that if we don't get a request in to send them back by Friday, we loose. It and the phones become completely useless, and the IC manager doesn't even have a clue what he's actually gotten back.

So he brought the phones down to me, after my boss told him to because she doesn't trust him to get the return done, and then the project manager and I pulled the reports to figure out what we should have and what we still need from the other locations. After going through the phones that he had and the list we pulled there were a handful of phones that he assumed he got, but where actually still at their original location. If he had pulled a list and actually kept track of it, he'd know this.

I'm sorry but I'm the type of person I need a list and I need to check to make sure I have everything on that list because otherwise, I guarantee something has fallen through the cracks. I want a list and god dammit, I'm checking it twice. Well, I'll probably check it three or four times, but I'm a little OCD (not Monk OCD, but I do alphabetize my DVDs).

There's just no communication from one end of the hall to the other in my office and it ends up being very frustrating. Since I handle the returns and they handle all of the initial ordering for all the locations our jobs intersect alot and it always grates my nerves when I have to depend on them because they just aren't very organized. They think they are, but they're not. I liked it better when the project manager was the one organizing people to ship non-defective phones back to us -- it's a lot easier to start a good system if there was already a well thought out system in the first part of the process.

But what can I do, it's not her job and she shouldn't have to do it.

Well my laptop battery is running low and it's probably time to end this rant. Here's hoping for a smooth, productive rest of the week and a relaxing weekend.

"Oldboy"

2008-08-04T12:21:00.004-04:00

There are several Japanese and other Asian produced films that concept wise really fascinate me and make me want to watch them, but I also I'm a little timid to do so because they have a reputation of being unsettling. I think some American horror film directors would argue that Japanese cinema is probably producing the most innovative films out there right now, which is why almost all of the current American horrors films are remakes of Japanese ones.

"Oldboy," which is actually a Korean film, not Japanese, was a film I heard about because it was on Bravo's countdown list of "30 More Scariest Films" and was intrigued by the story but never really sought it out to watch. This weekend it popped up on my OnDemand menu and I decided to give it a whirl, because if I found I couldn't handle it it wouldn't be a waste of money to not watch all of it.

After seeing it, I wouldn't classify it as a horror film, but more of a morality play about how a sin that is insignificant to you could be very profound to someone else. It actually won the grand prize at Cannes one year and is a very well done film about revenge and redemption. Visually it is a very beautifully done film and the dialogue (even with having to go by subtitles) was both dark, angsty, but humorous in places too.

Dae Su, the protagonist, is kidnapped one night and held hostage in this little hotel-like room with no explanation as to why or who is holding him there. Then, with just as much explanation, he is released after fifteen years and sets out to find and exact revenge on the people who took those fifteen years away from him.

There's an internal struggle with in Dae Su between the man he used to be, who wasn't the greatest person in the world, but still an average guy, and the monster that the isolation and need for vengeance has turned him into.

Along the way he meets a young woman, barely eighteen, who takes him in and who falls in love with him. She, Mi-do, begins to help him in trying to find the people who did this to him and to locate his daughter that was only three when he was taken.

Unknown to either of them, all of this is an elaborate revenge plot by a man, who Dae Su doesn't even remember from his youth and Dae Su learns that his fifteen years of captivity was not his real punishment, but the events he is manipulated into after his release.

There are definitely some difficult parts to watch, but if you can get through those it really is worth seeing and is an excellently done film that isn't afraid to explore how a quest for revenge can turn you into this monster that has no moral compass and leaves you capable of doing horrible things that you otherwise wouldn't. Of course, once one has had his vengeance the question is: do I have anything to live for now? For one character the answer seems to be no, where the other seems to find some sort of redemption. The ending, though on some level happy, is also a little disturbing. I don't want to give anything away just in case any of you decide to watch it.

A little side note for my LOCI friends: there is a scene where Dae Su eats a live octopus and the tentacles do in fact try to go up his nose -- EWW.

The Russians are Coming & other gems from my week

2008-07-24T09:29:00.015-04:00

First off two posts within a couple of days of each other -- you guys should be proud. LOL.

Typically my weeks are pretty cookie-cutter. I'm the type of person who needs structure to accomplish some of the life changes I'm trying to make and this week there have been some interesting deviations to my normal day. Some bad, some funny, and others that I'm pretty excited about.

First off I have finally added in some exercise to my life. I hate exercising, with the exception of swimming, which I love but I haven't had access to a pool in years. So I bought an old Tao Bao VHS tape for 2 bucks on Amazon because I know me and I didn't want to buy a 15.00 DVD just to have it become another dust collector. So I finally did it for the first time on Sunday and it was a litte rough, but then when I did it again on Tuesday I actually felt pretty good. So hopefully I can commit to doing the tape every other day to start out with and hopefully work up to everyday. I have to take change in little increments and I've discovered that if I do that it's easier for me to work it into my regular routine.

I guess it helped too, because I pushed passed the 15 lbs. mark this week which I was pretty excited about. So I'm still trucking along and have a long way to go, but I'm trying to be proud of what I've done so far. I'm not very good at taking compliments from other people or feeling proud about something I've done because I feel like it's just what I need or am supposed to do so it doesn't really deserve recognition, but my Weight Watchers leader is trying to encourage me to be proud.

Work has been...colorful this week. First off, I'm the returns supervisor in our market and summer is a really heavy time for returns. We have 18 stores spread across the state and all of them ship their defective product back here to me -- I am the returns departments -- and my little cubicle is drowning in product right now. So it's been a little stressful trying to get done my other responsibilities (because in a small office you never just have one job) while trying to stay on top of the defectives.

To make matters worse and my progress even slower our system is antiquated to say the least and when the home office is doing maintenance it can take up to 15 minutes for a page to load -- really not good when a customer calls with an issue that needs to be researched, which inevitably happens when the system is down. Figures, right?

Monday was particularly odd, because it seemed to be the "customers calling with weird issues day" and the sales reps were slammed up front, so we in the back had to answer the phones. One of the handicaps of answering the phone and it being a customer, is the fact that we back here have very minimum knowledge of all the different services so we can't help them as well as they want to be and it just leaves everyone frustrated.

Then on top of all of us answering phones all day, we all started getting these security warnings of a trojan horse in our system and apparently a hacker in Russia was trying to get in. Why a hacker would choose our rinky-dink little system to hack -- I don't know. One would think if he was really good, he'd go after a bigger company or at the very least corporate Verizon and not us. But oh well, our systems guru got it fixed.

Of course a week at work would not be complete with back room drama. One of the inventory guys picked up one of my other co-worker's keys, which she had left by the kitchen sink. So he thought it would be funny to hide them from her as a joke. I don't know why he thought this since she can't stand him and he knows this, but he did. Well he left the office before her and never gave her her keys. So her keys were locked in his office and anyone else that would have a key was gone. She was livid and I'm pretty sure is plotting her revenge.

But he always does crap like that. He's a 27 year old man with the maturity level of a thirteen year old boy and a laugh that makes you wonder whether or not he owns a white panel van. He also does the minimal amount of work possible, so any prank he pulls on any of us is not going to go over well because we all know he has better things to do.

But hey the weeks almost over and I have fun things to do this weekend. I'm going to see one of my favorite bands, Hoots and Hellmouth Friday with my friend Emaleigh. I'm her "plus one." The guys in the band got her on the guest list, so she's giving her extra slot to me. If I can figure out how to, I'll post a couple YouTube videos of their shows -- they're amazing.

Then Saturday I'm visiting with my mom's family for our July b-day gathering (my mom being one of them) and hopefully they will have good ground turkey this time because I'm sick of chicken. They're a burgers and hot dogs sort of family, but me being the obtuse black sheep that I am, I choose a couple of years ago to stop eating beef and pork.

I'm mainly looking forward to seeing my paw-paw. I guess since the death of my dad's dad I realized I really need to put forth the effort more to see my maternal grandfather, who was as much like a "daddy" to me as he was a grandfather. I love the man dearly.

Hopefully, work-wise, next week will be a little less weird, but of course we're getting close to commission time again which means a whole new set of issues pre-packaged for us.

Sorry, but he does nothing for me

2008-07-23T07:23:00.008-04:00

I work for a small company that is an Authorized Verizon wireless retailer, which basically means that we sell the same stuff as corporate Verizon, but also get screwed by them alot too. Well a few months ago we had this promotional stuff about a Motorola ear-bud headset and the celebrity in the ads was David Beckham. We even got a few life size cut-outs of the man, which we had fun using the extras to play pranks on each other here in the back office. Like one morning I came in (I'm almost always the first one there) and there was David Beckham standing a couple yards away in the hallway.

Now having a life size cut-out of David Beckham in your office starts the unavoidable conversation of how hot he is. If I remember correctly one of my co-workers, while intently studying David's face, said that he is the hottest man on the planet, but I'm sorry he does nothing for me.

I'm not blind -- yes, he is a very attractive man, but he's the type of person who you're suppose to find attractive. There's nothing that makes him interesting or stand out in the well of pretty people that live in Hollywood.

I guess I've always been a little obtuse when it comes to what people generally like and what I like. I'm odd and I'm attracted to things that lean a little to the odd. Even in high school (and I was in high school at the height of the "Titanic" and Leonardo DiCaprio craze), while my friends we're drooling over Leo DiCaprio, I'd prefer to watch "The Gift" and drool over Giovanni Ribisi...even if he was a little psychotic in that.

I remember a friend for either her 15th or 16th birthday had a Leo themed party. We went and saw "Titanic" (most of us for the third...or eighth time) and then we watched "The Basketball Diaries." And I'll admit I did get caught up in the hype (I mean I was 15, you do what you have to to fit in at that age), but I never was googlie eyed over Leo.

Now, I will say that DiCaprio is a good actor (just watch "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" -- he's brilliant), but I just don't get the attraction to blond pretty boys. Maybe it's because I grew up around horse people and blue collared people who went out and got their hands dirty, I don't know.

Then a few years ago, while I still worked in the video store, my boss at the time asked me what I thought of Brad Pitt because he had a movie coming out and he was on the cover of our Entertainment Weekly. My initial response was to ask him if he had a man-crush on Brad Pitt, to which he laughed and guiltily admitted that he guessed he did, and then I told him, "he's all right." And he is all right. Some of his movies are enjoyable, but there's nothing that catches my fancy in an "oh my god he's so hot" sort of way." Maybe when he first came out and he was doing films like "Kalifornia" and "Twelve Monkeys" where he seemed to actually be acting as opposed to doing bigger budget films or trying to out do Mia Farrow with his assortment of children.

Personally, I'd rather dig up Vincent D'Onofrio's films or watch LOCI, because there you're going to see something interesting. In some instances he may scare the crap out of you, but it's fascinating to watch nonetheless. I tend to like people who aren't stereotypically attractive and who aren't afraid to get down and dirty into a role. It's like my choir director in high school said, "You ain't really singing till you ugly," and I think that could be applied to great acting as well. Not that I think the only truly talented people look like Quasimodo, but just aren't afraid to go to that place where life, humanity, what have you, isn't pretty and can't be perfectly wrapped up in ninety minutes.

I like when you have to work to appreciate someone, when you have to study them and then you begin to see them as these really fascinating, crush-worthy talents. Like Giovanni Ribsi is brilliant and can be over the top, but he can be very subtle too. I love James Marsters, who maintained an English accent for seven years on Buffy, while David Boreanaz struggled to do an Irish one on only a handful of episodes. He has such a range and can play the buffoon just as well as he plays honest emotion. His character was really the Shakespearean fool of the series and was done wonderfully.

Probably my most disturbing crush is Vincent D'Onofrio and it's only disturbing because he is old enough to be my dad. In fact he's only a year younger than my dad, who will be 50 in September. I guess it's kind of like a crush you'd get on a really awesome professor and a lot of it is wrapped up in admiration. But he's just so interesting to watch and fits my obscure, underrated profile that I tend to lean toward, even if I do feel a little perverted for lusting after him.

I've always had weird and obscure taste, in fact most people who don't know me very well probably think I'm crazy with some of the things I like, but what can I do. I like what I like and I am what I am.

Sorting Through the Bullshit

2008-07-14T13:15:00.010-04:00

Things with my dad's family are generally a little awkward because none of us really know each other. I spent most of this weekend with my dad's family because my grandfather's first memorial service was on the eleventh. Yes, there will be a second service in September at Arlington National Cemetery because he was career air force, though I honestly feel like I won't be able to stomach another service full of these great words about this great man, who wasn't really a great man at all.

I had prepared myself as much as I could for the service to consist mostly of bullshit and I wasn't disappointed. A friend of his and WiVi's (my grandfather's wife) led the service and it painted my grandfather, who we all knew as Pop, as this great American hero and someone for young people to aspire to be. What they didn't say, and maybe what only I and the rest of the blood relatives know, is that that would mean the youth aspiring to be a self-centered drunk who annoyed the hell out of his first wife and changed his will so that his children wouldn't get anything from his estate.

Then members from the crowd, which there was a pretty big crowd, were invited to share there stories. A couple of his army buddies shared and then his older sister who looks like a movie star from the 1930s and gave a impressive performance, albeit slurred and hard to understand, about her "baby brother."

Then at the end they played a series of songs. First was "The National Anthem," then "Taps," which apparently makes everyone but me cry, and then an old air force song from the forties.

I felt like I was wading through a pool of lies and that the stench was evident to anyone who mattered to me.

I didn't really feel anything through the whole service, except at the very end, but it wasn't for my grandfather, but for my dead grandmother. It was my maternal grandfather, my pawpaw, who came to the service along with my mom, who did me in. After the service finished I went over to them to say good-bye and he said to me, "The saddest thing about all this is that Dolly wasn't mentioned once." Dolly (or Nanie to me and my cousin) was what everyone called my dad's mom and at the funeral of the man she lived with for more than fifty years, she might as well have never existed. Hell his children and grandchildren were barely acknowledged.

Sixty years of a life just conveniently left out and a woman who was in it for only nine was the most important person there. Wivi (she's Danish) and Pop met about a year after my grandmother died. Pop went from this distraught widower to a love struck teenager on a drop of a dime. After Nanie died, he was obsessive about putting pictures together and even said once, "I've lost children, but there's nothing like losing your spouse." Of course what it really boiled down to is that he didn't have anyone to take care of him anymore and Wivi gladly filled that role. He didn't need his daughter anymore, who lived near by and had really taken on the caregiver role after Nanie died, and all the things that were reminders of his old life slowly disappeared.

I understand moving on after a spouse dies and even taking the chance to marry again, but your new life shouldn't negate your old one, even if it is more fulfilling to you.

We weren't done after the service was over. We had to then go to the condo of a woman who lives below Wivi in their community. I rode there with my cousin and her husband and on the way we joked about what excuse we could use to get out as early as possible. Luckily, they have a young dog named Ladybug and we had a much needed laugh over using the term "LB" when one of us had to get out. I know we probably sound like horrible people, but at least I'm being honest and not pretending to be all nicety-nice to people I don't know and don't even really like.

The majority of people there were people who only knew Pop after he and Wivi were together. It's amazing to me how one person can be perceived so differently by different people. His friends adore him and think he was the greatest thing ever. I can't help but wonder, who was the real Pop? Was it the neglectful, detached father we (his children, Nanie, this grandchildren) knew or the friend with the boisterous stories that everyone loved? Or were they both lies?

Of course, none of us will ever know. All we have are our own personal truths and in the end, as far as how you feel about a person, that's all that really counts. That's what makes a person who they are to you and Pop by blood was my grandfather, but I never felt related to him. Even as a kid when I was around him on a regular basis while Nanie babysat me, he was more of a fixture, who stood at the bar in the kitchen and held a drink in one had and a cherry cigar in another. He was never a real participant.

I wish I felt bad. I feel bad that I don't feel anything for him. Well, I do feel angry about his disregard for his family, but I'm not sad. I guess you can't really feel sad over a fixture.

Vince, Kate, and Jeff...Oh my!

2008-07-07T08:00:00.002-04:00

So my fourth of July weekend was pretty quiet (it just doesn't hold the luster it did when i was a kid -- but that's a discussion for a different post). I mostly worked on major cleaning of my apartment (I swear cat hair and hardwood floors -- not a great combo)and watched movies. Several of these movies happened to have stars from LOCI in them (well one who will be a start on LOCI next year) so here our some thoughts on what I watched and the actors who made them happen. There are some spoilers...so just be warned if you've never seen any of these.

VINCE:

So I watched "Happy Accidents" for the first time in a while and I think it's still (so far) my favorite Vincent D'Onofrio film that I have seen. It was the first that I got when I started seeking out his other work beyond LOCI and there's something about unconventional romantic comedies that I love. It's not that far from the same feeling of endearment I get when watching "Benny & Joon." I'm really not much for romantic movies. I'm really at the point where I'm like "okay I get it: Meg & Tom Forever -- I get it!"

But "Happy Accidents" is so different because it's about one person who's either from the future or a complete fruit cake, and another who is a neurotic co-dependent. I don't know what this says about me, but I have a much easier time relating to that insanity than I do the sweet romantics of "Sleepless in Seattle" or "You've Got Mail." Plus it has that sci-fi element, which I love (what can I say my mom liked Star Trek), but what makes the film so clever and me absolutely in love with the writer, Brad Anderson, is that we don't know whether Sam (VDO's character) is really from the future or insane until the very end. It's a very cleverly pieced together film.

The dialogue and the characters are so genuine and believable that it leaves you willing to take a leap of faith in the same way Ruby (Marissa Tomei -- who is just adorable) does with Sam. Even the cheesie parts work because of how naive the Sam character is. One thing that just amazes me about VDO is his ability to go from a intimidating or unnerving character (did you see him as Elton in "Claire Dolan" -- can we say creepy stalker tendencies) to someone as innocent and nearly child-like as Sam is, and do both so convincingly.

My favorite thing about the film, though, is the idea of can you really change the past or will you just make the same mistakes over and over and over? Sam comes back to save Ruby from dying in an accident, but what's interesting is that it's Sam's desperate actions to try and prevent it that lead to the perfect circumstances for her death to happen, but no worries there's still a happy ending.

KATE:

To keep with the LOCI and Sci-fi theme, I watched "Stir of Echoes." I really need to find other films that Kathryn Erbe has done but I do like this film. It's nice to see a horror film that at the end of the day is really just about a family trying to stay together. I tend to be more fascinated with established relationships than I am with relationships just starting out because there're more complications, more history to build from. It's also nice to see a "genre" film have really well established characters because so many of the bigger budget sci-fi/horror films are much more about the visual effects than they are the people within the story which i really can't stand.

Tom and Maggie (Kevin Bacon & Kathryn Erbe) are just a regular couple trying to make ends meet and this extraordinary thing just happens to them by chance. I think Erbe is great at being a strong woman but also retain a sense of femininity, without either being too over powering. There is more of a softness to Maggie than there is to Eames (she's a little more emotional but it's not over the top), but I find both to be very believable characters. So many female characters we see seem to be more like characitures of real women as opposed to really feeling like a real woman. Even in the clips I've seen of her from OZ, she feels real -- psychotic, but real. It's that honesty and realness that she just naturally has that makes me like her so much.

JEFF:

I noticed this movie called "Hideaway" on my OnDemand this weekend and saw that it had Jeff Goldblum, so I figured I'd take gander and remind myself whether ot not I liked the actor since he is joining one of my favorite shows. At first i was a little apprehensive about welcoming him to the show because it just seemed like such an odd choice. It probably doesn't help that the last thing I saw him in was a film called "Mimi's First Time," which is about this 16, 17 year old girl who has an affair with her step-father and together they plot the murder of her boozing actress mother -- it's a comedy. But Goldblum in that plays their neigbor who is basically a creepy old man who seduces all of these barely legal girls -- so that was my last impression of Jeff Goldblum.

But "Hideaway" is an older film (it's still weird that mid-nineties stuff is over ten years old now) and was based on a Dean Koontz novel. It actually has a pretty recognizable cast with Jeff Goldblum as a protective family man, Christine Lahti as his wife, and Alicia Silverstone either right before or just after her "Clueless" fame. It also had her co-star from "Clueless" Jeremy Sisto as a psycho killer (I have to say Sisto is far more attractive now with his L&O, I bet this is how Goren looked in narcotics thing he has going on.

The movie itself wasn't great, but it gave me hope that maybe whatever character they come up with for Goldblum won't be a Gore-knock off. I could actually see several different possibilities now including a family man, which might be a nice change from the cast of characters we already have (not that i don't love my guarded, commitment phobic Eames and Goren). It would be interesting to pair Wheeler with someone who has been married a long time since she's engaged now...it could add an interesting element to them building a partnership.

The Flip Side...

2008-07-02T08:07:00.003-04:00

I guess this post will kind of contradict my earlier post about addiction, but it's a complicated subject that's been around me my whole life. So, while I understand that addict behavior, I also can't help but be angry at parents who choose a substance over their child.

I was watching "Intervention" this week, which i usually do. I think it's an interesting show that offers good information for people who either are addicts or are related to addicts. There was a woman on who was addicted to prescription drugs and she would take them to the point where she was catatonic. She apparently had already survived two overdoses. She had two sons, one was 17 and the other was 11. You could tell the older one picked up the slack when his mother was in between husbands and raised his little brother in many ways. The younger boy was just an emotional wreck because he lived in constant fear of coming home from school and finding his mother dead.

Finally there's a blow-up between the mother and the older son, which leaves the younger in shambles and then this woman says "it's hard on everyone, but especially me because I'm the one causing it." WTF, lady? She's the one that gets to live in her little la-la land while her family cleans up her mess.

It's such a double edge sword, because on one hand they really genuinely can not stop themselves, but at the same time they have the free will to at least try to stop.

I guess watching those two kids just hit too close to home for me because I know what it's like to be passed over for a substance or to have a parent "borrow" your birthday money so they can buy beer and cigarettes on their way to work in the morning. Of course the addict has the luxury of being blind to the damage they're causing and then are surprised when the child resents them.

And it's such a hard resentment to get past, because no matter how much you try a part of you always feels like, "well I'm the child and therefore i shouldn't have to do the work," but it doesn't work that way. Nothing gets solved that way. No matter what, whether you're five or twenty-five, you have to be the adult in the relationship and it is so tiring. And i feel for these kids, especially the older one, because I would think he would have the hardest time forgiving her because he's probably been through more than his little brother has with her. Not to belittle the affect on him, but 17 years of it compared to 11 is a big difference.

Forgiveness is such a hard thing too, but it's important and not just for the person whose being forgiven, but for the one offering it as well. It lifts a weight off of them just as much as it does the person seeking forgiveness.

That's all for now. Hopefully i post a happier, less rant-y post later.

Question

2008-06-26T10:04:00.001-04:00

Is there a way to reply to comments through this site? Because I was trying to find a way, but didn't see any.

Once an Addict...

2008-06-26T07:41:00.002-04:00

I have an addictive personality. Hell, every cell in my body is probably branded with a scarlet "A" screaming "addict here, addict here!" I come by this behavior very naturally. My father's a struggling alcholoic and long time smoker as is his father and mother, and most of his siblings (I think you see the pattern).

Now, I don't smoke and I very rarely drink. Up until a couple years ago I was afraid to drink even socially because I know I have that addict DNA. I may get the addictive personality from my dad, but my drug of choice I get from my mom: food.

I know some people refuse to see people who are overweight as having an eating disorder like those who have bulimia and anorexia, but it is. All three have the mindset and use the same excuses as any alcholic or crack head. It's about control, it's about that brief high you get when you're shoveling cheese ravioli in your mouth and that full feeling you get afterwards. It's about making yourself feel whole by using something that in the end is just going to leave you more empty.

But food issues are different from other addict behaviors because you can't just stop eating. No one has to drink beer to survive, but you gotta eat. God do I wish I never had to look at another piece of food again because it would make my life so much easier, but that leads to the whole withering and dying thing which I don't want.

So I have re-learn how to eat and pay attention to everything I put in my mouth. I recently joined Weight Watchers and for the first time I'm really trying to do this. The first couple days were rough because I was basically detoxing myself off of the heavy, fatty foods that my body is used to getting. Those first few days eating healthy I felt pretty sickly, because I wasn't getting as many calories as I was used to.

But the great thing about Weight Watchers is that it's not about a quick fix diet, it's about re-learning behavior and not depriving yourself which are the keys to truly successful weight-loss because it prompts long-term success. My group leader also said something that really struck me (and was part of the inspiration for this post) at the first meeting I went to and that was, "I will always have a weight problem."

Once an addict always an addict. It's very true, because no matter how healthy I may get I know I will always have that urge to over-eat whether it's because I had a shitty day or am just bored. I have to constantly make the choice not to over-eat.

So far I'm doing pretty well, but am still struggling with how to not over do it one way or the other because a lot of time when we go on diets we start going in the opposite direction and deprive ourselves, which is just as unhealthy as giving ourselves more than we need. It's a balancing act that I have to walk every day and hopefully I'm going to be able to do it this time, because I want to break the unhealthy cycles in both my dad's and my mom's family.

Why I Just Can't Get into Anime...

2008-06-23T07:55:00.003-04:00

I used to work at a DVD store, Suncoast, while I was in my last few years of college and because it was in the "ghetto" mall (and on the bus line) we met some pretty interesting characters. One of which was this mentally challenged middle-aged man who had the dirtiest mind ever. His name was Anthony. He would always come in and peruse the playboy section (we didn't sell actual porn just "girls gone wild" and stuff of that nature) and hit on which ever female was working there at the time. For the majority of the time that I was there I was the only girl working with a bunch of guys, but they were all good guys so it was okay, but it also made me the main object of Anthony's affection. His main line was asking us to be his nurse and yes I mean in the totally dirty way. I still throw up a little inside at the thought, but all and all he was harmless...just annoying.

The truly interesting people were the Anime kids. I know we all have our things and with the way I talk about LOCI and Joss Whedon, people probably wouldn't be surprised if I turned out to be a creepy stalker one day, but I'm not. The hardcore Anime fans really have a look and culture all their own and get whatever memorabilia they can get their hands on. They would spend hours in the back of the store (we basically had two walls dedicated just to Anime...everything you can think of was there: DVDs, Mangas, action figures, plush toys...everything). And there were groups that would just camp out and then spend hundred of dollars at a time.

I had people (even one co-worker) try to get me to watch some of it and I did try, but I just couldn't get into it. Then we started carrying hentai, which pretty much closed the door on my Anime exploration. For anyone who doesn't know, hentai is Anime porn, and it's not like normal porn because it's all torture/rape based and there's things with tentacles. My friend, Thalen, and I were pretty disturbed when we saw the covers to these things because they didn't leave much to the imagination (hence why I know about the tentacles).

Well this weekend I got exposed to some Anime for the first time in a couple of years. I was visiting my best friend and her and I have very, very different tastes in movies and TV. I like darker, more realistic stuff and she likes things on the cuter, more romantic side. So she got me to watch some episodes of this Anime that she had been watching online and it was this high school drama/romance. Now even on shows that I love (Buffy), the tortured teenage romance kind of gets on my nerves, so I kind of found this Anime a little ridiculous. The characters were just idiotic. I got the same feeling I got when watching "Reality Bites" because I was one of the few who wanted Winona Ryder to kick Ethan Hawk to the curb. I'm sorry but being a tortured artist doesn't give you the right to be a jerk and in this Anime, who does the witless girl choose? The jerk. The girl just kept reminding me of an Anne Sexton poem on the story of Snow White in which she refers to Snow White as a "dumb bunny" because of all the times the witch is able to trick her, and that's how I saw this Anime girl. Maybe it's just my western, feminist ideas that prevent me from getting into this stuff because I just have no sympathy for female characters like this.

Besides the story though, I didn't understand some of the animation choices. They would do close-ups of the characters and all of the sudden the character would only have one eye. That really bugged me for some reason because I don't understand the point of it. Then other times the whole face would disappear and suddenly they were No Face from "Dick Tracey." Is this just a budget thing or is there some emotional symbolic meaning that I'm ignorant to? Seriously, I want to know.

I'm sure there is some Anime out there some where that I would enjoy because I hate to dismiss a hole genre out of my own ignorance but so far I feel better sticking to the live action stuff where eyes and faces don't disappear at random.

Obsessions You'll Hear Me Harp On

2008-06-16T09:50:00.003-04:00

I love analyzing everything. I over analyze really to the point where I pick apart every little thing people do, which leaves me a little a paranoid sometimes. I'm one of those people that can't stop from wondering if their reaction or lack of is the result of something I did. Is this arrogant and insane? Yes. I actually read an article about this and felt better to know I'm not the only one who does this. I also tend to over think potential choices laid in front of me too, which leaves me indecisive. It's something I am working on when it comes to relationships and decision making, but something I love about myself when it comes to picking apart texts.

I use the term "text" pretty broadly. Anything you see that in some way shape or form can be "read" can be considered a "text." Books, billboards, films, TV shows, commercials are all texts. I watch and read things that I like to analyze.

Joss Whedon is a constant obsession of mine. The man is brilliant and humble and I can't encourage people enough to check out his work even if the title "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" makes you scoff. Whedon himself has said that it is not a great title for a TV series. It's gives too much away about the series, but it is also a series that only got more interesting and smarter as it grew. If you can't see yourself getting into "Buffy" start with "Firefly." I had a friend who initially couldn't stand Buffy, but got introduced to Joss Whedon through "Firefly" and now loves "Buffy" and "Angel" as well. "Firefly" is most definitely the most complex and interesting piece of work Whedon has done.

My current on going obsession is Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Mostly because of Goren and Eames, who are both played wonderfully by Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe (though I'm a little uneasy and disappointed with where the writers are taking them thus far this season, but I'm still holding out hope for some light). It got to the point where I even started reading Fan Fiction for the show, particularly those that shipped Goren and Eames (of course at the time I didn't even know what the term "shipping" meant). Once I ran out of stories to read, I started getting ideas of my own and gave in to start writing them.

Despite being the most overlooked Law and Order, I think it has the most interesting and complex characters and some really talented writers on staff.

I'm sure there are other things I will rant about if I'm able to maintain this. I've never done a blog before, so be patient with me if I'm a little slow with things. I guess I'm a disappointment to my generation since I'm really not very savvy when it comes to the Internet and such, but hey, sometimes too much technology can be a bad thing. Just read any Philip K. Dick novel.