I guess this post will kind of contradict my earlier post about addiction, but it's a complicated subject that's been around me my whole life. So, while I understand that addict behavior, I also can't help but be angry at parents who choose a substance over their child.
I was watching "Intervention" this week, which i usually do. I think it's an interesting show that offers good information for people who either are addicts or are related to addicts. There was a woman on who was addicted to prescription drugs and she would take them to the point where she was catatonic. She apparently had already survived two overdoses. She had two sons, one was 17 and the other was 11. You could tell the older one picked up the slack when his mother was in between husbands and raised his little brother in many ways. The younger boy was just an emotional wreck because he lived in constant fear of coming home from school and finding his mother dead.
Finally there's a blow-up between the mother and the older son, which leaves the younger in shambles and then this woman says "it's hard on everyone, but especially me because I'm the one causing it." WTF, lady? She's the one that gets to live in her little la-la land while her family cleans up her mess.
It's such a double edge sword, because on one hand they really genuinely can not stop themselves, but at the same time they have the free will to at least try to stop.
I guess watching those two kids just hit too close to home for me because I know what it's like to be passed over for a substance or to have a parent "borrow" your birthday money so they can buy beer and cigarettes on their way to work in the morning. Of course the addict has the luxury of being blind to the damage they're causing and then are surprised when the child resents them.
And it's such a hard resentment to get past, because no matter how much you try a part of you always feels like, "well I'm the child and therefore i shouldn't have to do the work," but it doesn't work that way. Nothing gets solved that way. No matter what, whether you're five or twenty-five, you have to be the adult in the relationship and it is so tiring. And i feel for these kids, especially the older one, because I would think he would have the hardest time forgiving her because he's probably been through more than his little brother has with her. Not to belittle the affect on him, but 17 years of it compared to 11 is a big difference.
Forgiveness is such a hard thing too, but it's important and not just for the person whose being forgiven, but for the one offering it as well. It lifts a weight off of them just as much as it does the person seeking forgiveness.
That's all for now. Hopefully i post a happier, less rant-y post later.
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1 comment:
I fortunately never had to deal with parents who were addicted to anything to the detriment of the family. Well, my dad smoked but it didn't prevent him from being a great dad and supporting his family.
I know my grandfather on my father's side was an alcoholic. I don't know much about him because my father never spoke of him. I don't know if it was because of his inability to discuss anything negative about his past or not but my father seemed to be neither bitter nor resentful.
I don't know how I would handle something like that.
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