Livejournal has stolen my heart

Once again, it has been a while since I updated. I'm been a little enthralled with livejournal so I have been posting stories, responses to the law and order challenges, and a couple memes there...I have a sneaking suspcion that I will eventually be a full blown convert.

So since last time then I've turned 26, Christmas has come and gone (faster than I like), my cousin (younger) is engaged, and tomorrow will be a new year.

The past couple of years I haven't really looked forward to my birthday, but this year I was much happier and okay with getting another year closer to thirty (this is a scary number for people my age -- not because we think it's old but because it really is the point where you can't fall back on being a kid anymore). So I have to thank everyone who thought about me and gave me a shout out on their journal, texted me, or sent me a card. They really made my day!

Christmas was nice. I actually saw my dad which hasn't happened in at least 5 years and I wrote him a positive but honest letter for his present. He really appreciated it, which I was worried that he wouldn't. My mom got me a Discover gift card so I could get new glasses -- this may sound boring but my lenses alone cost two to three hundred dollars so I was pretty stoked.

As mentioned before, my cousin on my mom's side is engaged. I really like his fiance and she even asked me to be a bridesmade since he and I have no each other forever (literarly for him -- he's 24, will be 25 in June) and pretty much grew up together. We've kind of lost touch so I'm hoping maybe we can re-connect a little through her and the wedding. It's going to be in november of '09 and I was told that it'll be low-key and that she wants her bridemades in black dresses wearing Chucks -- tacky to some, but I think it's awesome. My aunt actually wore cowboy boots with her wedding dress.

I don't really have any resolutions for the new year -- just to keep doing what I'm doing and basically just continue to pull my shit together both physically and mentally. And of course I hope my muse is fruitful and I write a lot.

I feel like I'm going through a new phase with my writing, so I've been focusing on longer "one-shots" or single chapter stories away from the verse that I had been writing in...so it's taking me a little longer to get things done, but I also feel like I may be growing a bit as a writer...I hope at least...maybe I'm just deluding myself...lol.

Happy New Year to all!

Seasons Greetings

Here.

A Day of Suck

Why is it that all the blows come in one day?

First off, I somehow lost $20. We ordered lunch and I ran my debit card for $30 and then took the cash from one of the cash payments that I processed, but then when I was short $20 bucks when I went to do the deposit this afternoon. I have no idea how that happened.

Plus I'm menstrual and sometimes I seriously think I have that PMDD, you know the mondo PMS because some months...it's bad.

Then I had a customer call looking for a refund, which normally I can take care of easily, but this was an out of market return -- they bought in the East Carolina market but then returned here. In this case the orginal market has to actually issue the refund and we ship them back their equipment. Well she's been waiting three weeks for a refund, so I called the other markets inventory/returns person and he was a complete dick to me.

I apparently sent it to the wrong address and he won't process the return until he actually has the equipment, which he should have within the next couple of days. It was a miscommunication on both our parts, but the customer shouldn't be punished for that. Naturally I didn't say that because whenever I'm face with a confrontation I shut down into a bumbing idiot.

I asked him to expadite the return. To which he said, "I will not expadite a return until I have the equipment in my hand."

I asked him to call the customer (since in the end it is there responsibility and not ours).

Mr. Dick: "Why would I do that?"

Because you can give more information than I can (this I did actually say though with not as much attitude as I wish I had).

We went back and forth and finally he goes, "I don't time have to go back and forth with you." Like I fucking do? "What's the customer's number?"

I hate when I get put in situations like this because I seriously nearly have a panic attack. My face gets hot, my hands shake, and I'm near tears. It's embarrassing and it makes me feel utterly stupis because logically I know it's not that big of a deal, but to me it is. The real ass kicker is that afterwards I know all the right things to say to argue my point and to be more assertive but in the moment I just sound like an idiot.

It's just hits me really hard because I already feel socially inept on a good day, but on a bad day not only do I not fit in, but I also feel like I really I have nothing to offer anyone.

Then to top everything off my dad had to call -- righ after I wrapped things up with Mr. Dick, granted I didn't call him back until later, but my dad can sometimes make or break my day.

We maybe talk once a month and whenever I do talk to him I get hounded to call him more. I did initiate the last call we had...it was the day after the election and it was probably the best talk I had had with him in a really long time, but then today he hounds me about calling him still. What didn't he call before now?

It feels like he puts all the responsbility of our relationship on me and I don't want that responsibility. For once I want to be the kid and I want him to be the parent. But I know it's never going to be that way because it never has been and that I just need to let it go, but I can't. I'm not sure which pisses me off more the fact that that's the way it is or that I can't get past it.

But why should I just get past it? I want a dad and I should be angry that I never really had one. I know I had more than a lot of people. I at least have known him my whole life, unlike my cousin and her father, but sometimes I wish I didn't know him. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just not know, because there are a handful of memories where he actually felt like a dad, but it's not enough to just have that tease of a brief memory or to watch him be more like a dad to strangers' kids (those who took horse-back riding lessons from him) than he did me.

He was always uncomfortable around me and I think he was always afraid that he might hurt me. And I get it, I do. I understand why he's kept me at arms length and why he is the way he is, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I know he wants a relationship with me, but i just don't feel like he'll ever meet me half-way. My aunt (the one that lives in TX) even told me that I'll have to the one to initiate the big conversations and the relationship. But it's a lot to take on and it's really hard to get past my resentment so that I even can reach out.

He did say that he's coming to Xmas Eve this year at my cousins. I don't think I've seen him durring a holiday in four years, at least. I hope he really does come because I do want to see him, but it's still hard.

Okay...I feel a little better that I've gotten that out, so I'm going to go eat some dinner and hope tommorrow is better.

A new fan fic discovery

In my perusing of livejournal this week I found a journal by justanotherfic that includes some really wonderful LOCI fan fic. The ones I have read so far are subtle B/A ships, but I think anyone would enjoy them because they are subtle.

Here's the direct link to the two I have read so far:

Infinite Regress
It's a post-ep of sorts for "Frame"

and...if you prefer a little humor mixed in with the angst here's one that takes place around the time of "Betrayal:"

The Queen of Fucking Everything
guess who the queen is

A meme after my own heart

Found this meme about movies at Goddessdster's Livejournal.

01. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times
Oh geez. Labyrinth

02. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in a theatre?
Titanic -- I was 15 and all my friends were doing it

03. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.
Vincent D'Onofrio, Cate Blancett, Kathryn Erbe, Edward Norton

05. Name a movie that you can quote from.
LOL...there are way more than I ever should admit to, but here's a few: My Cousin Vinny, Jumping Jack Flash, Wayne World, Happy Accidents

06. Name a movie musical that you know all the lyrics to all the songs.
Disney's Beauty and the Beast

07. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.
Grease

08. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
Happy Accidents

09. Name a movie that you own.
Alot, but I'll recomend The Royal Tennebaums

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
Mos Def, most definitly. I heard that he always intended to be an actor and music just kind of happened

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in?
Sadly no

12. Ever made out in a movie?
No

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't gotten around to it yet?
oh there's a lot. Guy is a major one that I want to see but can't find anywhere.

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
no

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
Titanic -- again I was 15 and all my friends were doing it

16. Popcorn?
Sure with a nice cold coke

17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?
Not very often anymore.

18. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
The Dark Knight

19. What is your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
Don't really have one. I like a bit of everything, but I guess I am partial to family dramas (quirky family dramas)

20. What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
don't know

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
um...I'm not sure. Nothing pops out at me

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
OldBoy. It has uncomfortable subject matter, but it's wonderfully done. The visual cues are brillant and the score is just goregous.

23. What is the scariest movie you've ever seen?
It -- Tim Curry as an evil clown and me a little kid...no, no.

24. What is the funniest movie you've ever seen?
Oh...I don't know. But My Big Fat Greek Wedding was refreshing when it came out.

Tell me something good...

Well it's been a while...again.

My brain has been over run recently by all the jumbled ideas I have in my head at the moment and trying to smooth them out and find one concise story with in the jumbled thoughts. I do have one story almost done. I have someone editing now, which I'm excited about, but am also fearful that it will only validate the fact that I'm not nearly as talented as I like to think I am. But in the end it'll be good because it never fails: I read and re-read a story/chapter over and over before I post it, I'll post it, go back and read it again later and find some blaring mistake that grates my nerves like when you find a piece of dust right after you finished cleaning.

So I have that one story and then I think I have finally narrowed my focus on the bigger/casefile story that I've been trying to figure out...hopefully anyway. I've been in a phase where I'll write the first chapter or two of an idea and then get stuck...hopefully the must has finally decided wants to do though, since some ideas have been consolidated.

Also I've decided to livejournal a try when it comes to posting my fan fiction. I've been moving some of my old stories to my other blogger page, but don't care for it when it comes to stories. So, I'm going to move things over there and then when I have new stuff will post there and at fanfiction.net.

Thanksgiving was nice. It was a long day, mostly because I was fighting off a cold last week and was feeling very tired. I was downing orange juice and vitamins like they were going out of style...but they did something because I never got full blown sick just that feeling like my body was fighting not to get sick. You know what I mean?

I think the vitamins are even helping my skin, which gets ridiculously dried out in the winter.

I ate way to much over the course of the weekend and am dreading going to my weightwatchers meeting tonight because I really don't want to know how much damage I did. But I'm getting back on track slowly and it'll be okay.

The weekend also got me thinking about the possibility of maybe moving back home. I live about an hour and half away from my family, which in my family is a long ways away considering that my mom and all of her siblings still live in the same area they grew up in. I've been in Richmond for about 8 years now and was resistant to move back home right after I graduated.

I grew up just me and mom most of the time and we were very co-dependant on each other. I guess I felt like I needed the distance for me not to be so dependant on her, but she is still co-dependant on me. But I was thinking it might be nice now to start thinking about moving back and to be closer to my family. I've been building a friendship with my cousin on my dad's side and it'd be nice to actually be there to see each other more often. And to see her daughter more. Then one of my other cousins is engaged! Plus my best friend is closer then and most of the friends I accumalted in college have moved away.

I don't really know what has been keeping me here. I guess I just needed to be independent for a while and not feel like my identity was wrapped up in my mom's or in my family's. Maybe I've actually made some headway in that feeling since I kind of want to move back there.

There's a lot to think about before I make any sort of desicion and I'd have to find an apartment and a job all while living an hour away.

That's really all I've got. Hopefully I'll get back to posting more regularly soon. Though sometimes I don't think it's up to me, but the muses and ideas that seem to take hold of my brain.

A meme from Goddessdster's livejournal

1. What are your nicknames?

My best friend started calling me Linz (like lens) in high school which stuck. I still will sign short notes or emails as "Linz."

My dad's mom use to always call me Lin for short when I was little.

2. How do you style your hair?

Not big with styling my hair. I'm a wash, dry and go sort of girl. Simplicity is best for me when it comes to hair because i try to style, but it never works the way I want and therefore I end up in a bad mood.

3. What's new in your life right now?

Not much. I have lost 40 pound in the last six months so I guess that's new. My life's pretty boring, actually.

4. How many colors are you wearing now?

two.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert.

6. What was the last book you read?

"Lucky" by Alice Sebold was the last thing that I read straight through. It's a beautiful book, though the subject matter is tough to get through. Right now I'm reading "Watchmen" and becoming more and more curious as to how they are going to pull off a film version.

7. Do you nap a lot?

No. Unless I'm really really sick I can't fall asleep durring the day.

8. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?

I don't know...get over it.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?

Fruastrations at work. Old issues/hang-ups that I can't completely get past

10. What was the last thing you ate today?

Special K, the one with dried strawberries.

11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

About 30 - 40 minutes

12. What websites do you visit daily?

I'm going to do weekly because there are regular sites that I visit but nessicarily everyday: Blogger, Liveournal, Major Case, various blogs

13. what classes are you taking right now? and if you're not in school anymore, what's your job?

I'm a returns supervisor at a cell phone retailer.

14. Do you like to clean?

No, but every now and then I'll get a wild hair where I go on a cleaning frenzy

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?

"Jessie's Girl." by Rick Springfield. There's a girl I work with named Jessie and one of my bosses spontaneously sings that to tease her.

16. If the world were to end tomorrow, what one thing would you do today?

See my friends and family. Have talks with people that I've been avoiding because I know there needed but are going to be hard.

17. What's better: eternal love or memorable love?

I don't really know. I think the best love I've witnessed was between my mom's parents. When I was in middle school my grandmother had a cyst on her spine and she had to have spinal surgery. Her whole torso was in a cast and she had to go to a rehibiltation center after being in the hospitial. They finally let her come home with a hospitial bed that we put in the living room and my grandfather basically was her nurse for several months. There was a nurse that came once a week to check on her, but other wise my grandfather took care of her and the house -- that's real love to me.

18. What would you do if you see $100 lying on the ground?

See is someone around me dropped it, but I'd probably leave it on the ground...really.

19. Best time of your life?

My first couple of years of college.

20. Tell me something good.

Thanksgiving is Thursday and it's my favorite holiday.

"Score one for the little wooden boy."

Well it's been awhile. I really haven't had much to talk about. I guess I'm in one of my complacent phases where things aren't getting to me as much as they usually do and there fore I don't have much to gripe about. Of course at the same time there's nothing exciting going on either, so nothing much to report. I am exploring other job options still, but I'll probably wait till after Christmas to aggressively look to see what I might be able to find.

So until I have something interesting to talk about I figured I'd just offer some recommendations.

First off, I finally saw the second season of "Dexter" and it did not disappoint. I can't recomend this series enough. Micheal C. Hall is wonderful as Dexter and a far cry from the neurotic David of "Six Feet Under."

We see him continue to figure out who he is and exactly how evil or how good he really is. All while coming to terms with the fact that Harry, his dead foster-father (no, Dexter didn't kill him) and lone confidant, who shaped him into who he is, was not exactly the man Dexter thought he was.

It's interesting because we see the struggle between good and evil within one person, who desperatley wants to be normal, but yet is a psychopath with little to no emotions about anything. The first season I comapred to a twisted take on "Piccnochio," while in the second he does seem closer to being a "real boy." He has more personal challenges and relationships that he is trying to juggle and we see him as part hero and part villian.

Not to mention the fact that his own squad (he works foresenics for Miami Metro) along with the FBI are hunting him, or rather the Bayside Butcher, down. So while he covers his tracks, he is also enlisted to help in the investigation that should ultimately lead to him.

Needless to say I'm ready for season three to wrap up and come out on DVD, so that I can watch. Oh, and just a note: the title of this post is a quote from a "Dexter" episode.

Also, I was reminded the other day of this novel by one of my former professors, Tom DeHaven, called It's Superman! It's part noir mystery and part origin story set in the 1940s.

It takes classic Superman characters and puts them in a believable "real world" setting, with a young Clark Kent trying to figure out who he is, who he wants to be, and the extent of his mysterious powers. This book made me like Superman. I'm generally a Batman sort of girl and, honestly, Tom Welling ("Smallville") kind of ruined Superman for me -- the man only has one facial expression (See: reasons why one should not cast out of an Abracrombe catalogue).

Plus Tom DeHaven is a great writer and is a true student of the history of comics and graphic novels. I actually took a class on the graphic novel that he taught and it really made me see comics as a valid and highly overlooked or looked down upon medium. I still have a bit of a crush on him.

Well, I'm off. Hope all is well with everyone.

Sunday Laziness

Well, i really have had much to talk about this week. I got a lot of work done this weekend on a story that I started six months ago, but that my computer destroyed (25 pages disappeared). I now have 20 pages done and granted (crossing fingers and sending up hail Mary's) my computer cooperates hopefully the new version will be done soon. But other than that I got nothing, so I was exploring youtube and found a couple videos I wanted to share of Hoots & Hellmouth.

They're a band from Philly, that I can't recomend enough. One of my friends has become good friends with the mandolin player and they all are pretty good guys and very talented musicians.

Posted by MiloSwerve

Song -- Home in a Boxcar

Posted by WNCW Studio B

Song -- This Hand

Posted by janeanger

Song -- Forks and Knives

Well Hope everyone had a nice weekend. I'm off to write some more and relax before heading back to work.

The landscape is changing

Well I have to say I regret going to bed early last night, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open so I missed the Obama victory speech. Though I was very happy to wake up this morning and discover that it was in fact a victory speech.

I wished I had see the reaction of the crowd in Illinois and the reaction right here in Richmond. I heard this morning that they actualy had to close off a section of Broad street (a major road here that basically runs through the hole area) near downtown with people celebrating.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that Virginia went to Obama. I was watching the numbers as they were coming in early last night and initially it looked like McCain would probably take it from what they were showing us through the local NBC station, but then just before I went to bed I saw that Obama had actually crept up in front, but only by one point.

As a Virginian, this is very exciting to me because it means that the landscape here is changing because not only did we add to Obama's win, but also for the first time in history we have two democrats in the senate with the election of Mark Warner, who won in a landside.

The voting turn out here was amazing...the two and half hours I had to stand in line to vote wasn't too amazing, but seeing all these different people coming out like they did and I gather (at least in the district where I live) most to support one man was pretty awesome and reassuring.

I think alot of people here, myself included, fall into what Tom Brokow said about it being the end of apathy with this election. There was a big push in my neighborhood, which isn't the best area, but one the city is trying to rebuild and rejuvinate, to get people signed up to vote and out to the polls.

In line at the polls I was behind this older white couple who had lived in the neighborhood for years (I say older...I guess they were in their late 50s or early 60s) and the wife was telling me about this neigbor they had -- and elderly black woman who passed a year or two ago at the age of 93. Before her death they would always help her get to the polls and she told me that as it got harder for the woman to get out and about that they offered to help her with an absentee ballot, but that she refused, saying something to the effect of, "For as long as I can I'm going to come out and vote because of all the years I wasn't allowed to."

People my age I don't think really understand that concept and we take it for granted. This is actually the first time I voted in a presidential election. In 2000 I was a month shy of being old enough and in 2004 for I was lazy and didn't think about getting an absentee ballot until it was too late (I was still registered at my mom's address -- an hour and a half away -- I know, I know, it's no excuse).

And I have to say alot of my interest this time around is because of Barack Obama and I hope he really takes this country in a new direction. I hope he doesn't lose sight of the people he wants to help now or the places/people he comes from. I think this sense of him being still so connected to his roots despite his success is one thing that makes him so relatable and likable, and I hope he is able to maintain that. He is not going to have an easy presidency -- he has a bit of a mess to clean up and, unfortunately because he is a "first" he will probably be more closely watched and scrutinized. Of course, coming in right after Bush has to make him look pretty good despite whatever policies he may put into place.

But right now I'm very pleased and looked forward to see how the next four years play out.

I'm a bit behind on all of the blogs I read, so hopefully I will catch up soon, but right now dinner's ready and I'm ready to relax.

Give me something to sing about

The system is done right now at work so I can't do any work right now...so this is what happens when i'm left to my own devices with nothing to do. Found this when i was looking at Goddessdster's livejournal. I have to say her answers are far more interesting and diverse than mine.

Shipping Meme

"Canon" ship:
Willow/Tara -- BTVS

"Not quite canon but should be" ship:
Does Angel/Cordelia from Angel count -- they got close but not quite and I was so down with that.

"If this happens I'll stab my eyes out with a spork" ship:
Buffy/Xander -- I'm way behind on reading The "Season 8" comic, but the first couple of volumes hinted at the possibility and I'm just there reading yelling "NOOOOOO!"

"You are one sick bastard" ship:
the Spike/Dawn (BTVS) one I came across disturbed me

"I dabble a little" ship:
I dabble only in Bobby/Alex -- I can't seem to focus long enough on any others

"It's like a car crash" ship:
Buffy/Spike -- but how much awesome fun was that.

"Tickles my fancy but not quite sold yet" ship:
Willow/Kennedy

"Makes no canon sense but why they hell not" ship:
don't know

"Everyone else loves it but I just don't feel it" ship:
Logan/Barek -- I honestly kind of wanted Barek to be a Lesbian. If I had written her more she would have ended up a lesbian

"When all is said and done" ship:
Bobby/Alex

"Guilty pleasure" ship:
Aren't they all?

"I could never abandon you" ship:
Bobby/Alex; Willow/Tara

Favourite devotion ship:
don't know -- i guess most of the ones I read could be considered this

Favourite never-met ship:
I think any character I've paired have met in cannon

Favourite abuse ship:
none

Favourite rape ship:
ah...no. I don't do rape fantasy and I don't watch hentai...It's bad enough that I actually know what it is

Favourite "Awwww!" ship:
Willow/Oz

Favourite perverted ship:
I'm a prude.

Favourite dominance!battle ship:
does Zoe/Wash count from Firefly because she could definity kick his ass.

It's all Goddessdster's fault...lol

So I have been tagged for harmless, mindless fun and I really have nothing better to do so here is my reply to her post It took a memeing to get me to post!

Where would you have your 8 homes, if you were as insanely rich as the McCains?
hmm...
1. Richmond, VA -- there are beautiful old houses here that I'd love to restore
2. Hampton, VA -- particularly my grandfather's house because none of us want to see the day when it is not in the family
3. Denver, CO -- Cabins, warm fires, and snow! we don't get snow. if any thing it's just slush -- I want a house someplace with real snow.
4. Brooklyn, NY -- because I wouldn't want to live right in the city...not that I actually know anything about the city
5. Philadelphia, PA -- hallelujah for Hoots & Hellmouth! -- one of my favorite indie bands --guess where they are from ;)
6. Raleigh, NC -- because I was born there, but don't remember actually living there and would like the experience
7. Los Angeles, CA -- just for the sole purpose to stalk-- I mean...admire Joss Whedon
8. Austin, TX -- my dad's only well adjusted sister lives there and it'd give me a good reason to see her more and to know her better. She could get me to try acupuncture -- she lives by it.

Number 2
Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.*Share 6 / 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.*Tag 6/ 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.*Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I'm jealous of people who are left handed, but also intrigued -- I don't know why...I just always wanted to be left handed...lol
2. I'm deathly afraid of birds...most girls freak out about bugs, snakes, mice -- not me -- birds. And no, I never saw "The Birds" when I was little and I don't recall ever being attacked...I just have always been afraid of them
3. I'm actually a pretty good singer...though I don't have enough patience to learn an instrument -- I've tried piano a couple of times.
4. I used to want to be a TV writer/producer -- in fact a friend and I had a whole mythology, character archs, backstories and a near written pilot, but she moved to LA and I just felt like I was thinking about going there too more for her than for me...so I backed out. I suck, I know.
5. My prom date was actually dating one of my good friends at the time of prom...lol...we were just going as friends and they technically had broken up, but secretly had gotten back together...ah high school drama...i definitely don't miss it
6. I had a friend/roommate in college who I could have a conversation with all in "Wayne's World" quotes...lol...
7. I have a tattoo on my back, very small of a crescent moon -- me and my best friend got tattooes (her's is way cooler -- the hindu omh symbol) just before we left for our first year of college. I would actually like two more -- the Chinese characters for yin and yan -- one on each ankle as a sort of permanent anchor -- I think it's going to be my reward when I reach my final weight goal.

Well I don't really know who to tag. Can I double tag Music Wench? lol.

Everything's better with a new pair of jeans

I got a new pair of jeans over the weekend -- a size smaller I might add -- and I could actually get in them, even after washing them, with out a blow torch. It gives me a nice warm and fuzzy feeling, which I am trying to focus on as I return to work for another week.

I put in an application online for a receptionist postion at a spa. They must be using a head hunting firm that's sorting things for them. I'm sure I qualified for the position, but I don't know if I'm really spa material since I'm rather stlyistically challenged (I'd be a prime canidate for Tim Gunn). But it's your basic receptionist job -- setting appointments, welcoming customers, recieving/putting out inventory, etc, but it pays 5.00 more an hour than what I'm making here with full benefits -- I'm still waiting for the catch on this hourly wage for a receptionist.

So I figured it wouldn't hurt just to see what it's about. I don't know if it's really a good time to switch jobs and a cell phone company is probably more likely to endure through the bad economy than a spa. I mean cell phones have stopped being a luxury and are a nessecity in most people's eyes, so I think the economy would have to be in the seventh circle of hell before people stopped buying cell phones, but going to a spa people, I think...maybe I'm wrong about this, would be a luxury people would sacrifice.

However I also can't stand the people I work for now because I find they lack leadership skills, they don't appreciate us that work in the back office, and I think their morals are skewed -- their only passion seems to be to maintain their lifestyle.

Our counterpart in North Carolina (the owners there are friends with the owners here) a year or two ago had a discrimination law suit filed against them by their former inventory manager who was fired not long after it was discovered that she was a lesbian.

And of course my boss now is making all these snide comments like, "well if Obama becomes president you guys just might not get a raise." Please! Don't tell me I'm not getting a raise when you just bought a new BMW and are buying a new house (not to mention their "River house"). I realize that we are remodling and adding on to the office and that that costs a lot of money, but tell us that's why we aren't getting raises -- not something petty because who want for president isn't doing so hot.

So I don't know. If I were to get offered this receptionist postion it could potentianally be a better enviroment -- I don't really know since I haven't actually met anyone yet -- but not as secure. Plus I doubt I'd be as bored because there would potentially be slight variations to my day unlike here.

But I also would feel a little guilty about leaving since we're going into the holiday season and it's going to be incredibly busy back here. How fucked up am I to feel guilty about this? I guess I feel bad for my co-workers who would get stuck picking up the slack, not the bosses. But still, how much should my guilt factor into my decision -- because that usually effects my decisions more than it probably should.

I realize I'm jumping the gun, but that's what I do. I kill every possible option before it even happens and drive myself crazy -- it's why I'm so god damn indecisive.

So I'm just not sure which is the better choice...if I was to get this second choice. Security or better pay and a different environment?

"Abortions will not let you forget..."

There's a women's clinic that I pass by on occasion. It's a little building on the corner opposite of the VA Fine Arts Museum and beside row houses converted into apartments, where VCU and MCV students probably live. If you are on the cross street right beside it, you can see a little parking lot behind the building and an even smaller sign that says what it is, but otherwise the only way you'd know is from the protestors out front every Saturday morning.

They where giant signs around their bodies and pace the small corner, waving to cars and talking to whoever will listen.

Either my last or next to last semester of college, there were pro-lifers walking and driving around the campus in a van with an aborted fetus painted on the side of it. One of the men had taken up residents in one of the main walk-ways on campus (right outside the main dining hall) with two young boys with him, preaching to whoever would listen. He didn't get a very warm welcome. In fact I saw one student begin to argue with him about it not being his right to tell people what to do and how he should be ashamed for exposing his young children to this while preaching about the value of young life.

I don't think any one would say that abortion is a good thing, but it is nessicary (and a major factor in why I can not support John McCain). I had a professor that taught classes that doubled in religious and women's studies and she used to be an ordained baptise minister (still a rare thing in southern baptise comminities). It was really fascinating to listen to her talk, because it was so obvious that she had an immense love and faith for her God, but she also looked at the world objectively. She was an outspoken Kerry supporter in the 2004 election and really shaped my understanding of feminism and the abortion issue.

Of abortion she said, "I think it's unfortunate that I live in a society where that is nessicary, but we can't go back to back-alley abortions."

I think what many conversatives don't understand about abortion is that it's just a figure head on a much bigger issue. It's like, well if they take that away -- what's next? Do we go back to birth control being inaccesible? Are we then slowing forced back into the kitchen and out of the office? Where does their control end and ours begin?

Just because I am pro-choice doesn't mean that I don't see imprefections in abortion. I think there are women who treat it as an after the fact form of birth control and that there should come a point where people need to take responsibility for their actions, but you can't really force a handful of people to do that with out taking the right away from resonsible, decent people who made a mistake or who's lives are in danger because of their pregnancy.

It's not an easy issue, but it is a fact (and a needed one) of our society.

Below is one of my favorite poems and I think it perfectly paints the ambevilance and complications surrounding abortion. I love how conflicted the speaker is as she tries to rationalize to the children that were never actually children why she did what she did as a mother who was never really a mother. It's interesting because it really could be used for either side of the arguement.

"The Mother" by Gwendolyn Brooks

Abortions will not let you forget.
You remember the children you got that you did not get,
The damp small pulps with little or with no hair,
The singers and workers that never handled the air.
You will never neglect or beat
Them, or silence or buy with a sweet.
You will never lwind up the sucking-thumb
Or scuttle off ghosts that come.
You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.

I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killed children.
I have contracted. I have eased
My dim dears at the breasts they could never suck.
I have said, Sweets, if I sinned, if I seized
Your luck
And your lives from your unfinished reach,
If I stole your births and your names,
Your straight baby tears and your games,
Your stilted or lovely loves, your tumults, your marriages, aches, and your deaths,
If I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,
Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.
Though why should I whine,
Whine that the crime was other than mine?--
Since anyhow you are dead.
Or rather, or instead,
You were never made.
But that too, I am afraid,
Is faulty: oh, what shall I say, how is the truth to be said?
You were born, you had body, you died.
It is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.

Believe me, I loved you all.
Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you
All.

So I'm a Geek...I can live with that

Your result for The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test...

Pure Geek

For The Record:



A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.


You scored better than half in Geek, earning you the title of: Pure Geek.



It's not that you're a school junkie, like the nerd, and you don't really stand out in a crowd, like the dork, you just have some interests that aren't quite mainstream. Perhaps it's anime, perhaps it's computers, perhaps it's bottlecaps, perhaps it's all of those and more. Your interests take you to events and gatherings that are filled with people you find unusual and beyond-the-pale, but you don't quite consider yourself "of that crowd." Instead, you consider yourself to be fairly normal.



Which, you are.



Congratulations! You're the one on the RIGHT!




Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:



Buffy the Vampire Slayer




Professional Wrestling






Love & Sexuality




America/Politics




Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Take The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test at HelloQuizzy

Dubya

Oh how I heart Will Ferrell...

Saw this on "Weekend Update Thursday" last night and I need it here for easy access because it's hilarious and so true.

Hello, my name is Lindsay and I'm a B/A shipper

Hello, my name is Lindsay and I am a CI Bobby/Alex shipper.

(pauses for gasps and the shameful shaking of heads)

I did not start out that way and even when I started reading B/A fanfiction my initial reaction was: really? But then, like a junkie on crack, I started reading more and more of it and by the time I got to watching season 4, I was convinced there was a possibility. And now as much as I try I can't read anything that doesn't have Goren and Eames with Goren and Eames.

Here's something I posted a year or so ago on the USA CI message board, where I plead my case for B/A shipping. LOL. It's all in good fun.






Before I say why i would ship or think there is something more between Goren and Eames, let me clarify that even though I do like the idea of them together I don't actually want to see it. It can be implied and hinted at (which some may argue it already has been) but I don't want it to be the focus of the show. In fact I think if they were to do anything overtly romantic with any character it would be Logan because he is kind of a playboy from what i've gathered.

As for why to ship Goren and Eames: I think one thing that prompts us to want to ship them is the fact that there is a very Mulder/Scully-like relationship between the two. (Now i stress again i do not want them to go the way of the X-Files, but the parrells are still there). You have this quirky guy whose bright and charming, but can also be un-nerving in this methods and beliefs, which can make him hard to work with. Then there's this woman partner who really is his perfect compliment and is his link to the higher ups who are turned off by this thoughts and processes. And I have to say that Erbe & D'Onofrio have way better chemistry than Anderson & Duchovny.

All of us crave affection from other human beings and what we all need is that person who balances us out and is able to challenge us. When i say challenge i don't mean they should be arguing all the time, but they should open the other up to new thoughts and ideas, which it's very clear that Goren and Eames do that for each other.

Their partnership is very unique when compared to the other pairs of partners through out the Law and Order verse in how well they do compliment each other. I don't think there was ever a family-like relationship between the two, because i think we would have seen it like we did on SVU. I think the first episode of SVU we see Olivia go to Elliot's house torn up about a case, which makes me see a brother/sister bond between them, but with Goren and Eames, despite how close they appear to have become (or are becomming), they still seem to keep a professional distance between them, which i gather is more Eames's doing than Goren's.

Now if there wasn't some threat of more than partner-like feelings that distance wouldn't be necissary. It also appears that both are really married to their work, though for different reasons, and even though we have heard mention of both of them dating it doesn't appear that either of them have had any long-term relationships in years.

I think you could argue that (though i don't remember what the timeline was on Eames' marriage) they've been partners longer than either had been in a given relationship and for people who work as much as they do it's not uncommon to meet a romantic interest in the workplace because where else are they going to find it.

I think it became apparent in "Silencer" that they are too emotionally involved with each other (i don't mean in a sexual way) for their partnership to not get in the way of any outside romantic relationship. I'm sorry to all you non-shippers but Goren was jealous. There was a pissing match between he and Peter and it wasn't about the case.

Also the last scene in that episode is really intriguing to me as a shipper because they could have faded out on the deaf girl as she's watching her boyfriend being dragged off, but instead it cuts to Goren sitting next to Peter at the table in the interrogation room. Now i know i can be overly analytical (I was an english major -- it's what we do) but there was a statement being made there. I'm going to argue that it was a statement of choice. Those are Eames's choices and Goren's going to win.

He's going to win for a couple reasons: 1. he is the safer choice because ideally nothing romantic should happen between them (doesn't mean there isn't something already there, even if neither will approach it) and it's obvious that Eames has been living with her gaurd up since her husband's death, 2. those walls are starting to crumble and both Goren and Eames are becomming more emotionally exposed to the other and 3. she trusts and cares about him.

It's obvious that they care for each other through Eames's reaction at having to read her new partner request letter and with him you see the way he interacts with her change in season four. He's more protective. In "Gone" he let's the suspect get away to step inbetween a witness that's getting out of line with her, which in earlier seasons i think the suspect would have been his focus not Eames. Her reaction in reading that letter is so emotional and it's really the first time i recall in the series that we see such an obvious emotional response from her. It really tears her up having to read those things that she initially thought about him and you can also see a hint of fear at what his reaction might be.

I think if there were stirctly platonic or brother/sister feelings between them, her reaction still would have been emotional, but i think it would have been more subtle and there wouldn't have been any room to see fear, because their relationship would be safe and predictable. That letter wouldn't have seemed to be as big of a threat if their bond was as tight as a familial one.

Either side of this argument is complete speculation because i think in many ways their relationship has been very ambiguous, which i personally like because it leaves room for debates like this one. I can see how people would interpert these things differently from me and that's what makes it fun. Still, to me there is an attraction and flirtation there that the actors and writers dance around and play with. One thing i do know for sure is that my guy friends who are like brothers to me don't look at me the way Goren sometimes looks at Eames...I'm just saying...

Boy Meets Chuck and Hard Candy

Well, I've been in kind of a lull with my blog writing, but have been on the upstroke with my creative writing -- apparently I'm imcapable of doing both equally. So here is another blog of complete, long winded randomness.

I have to say Chuck is growing on me the more I watch it. I guess it's very relatable to me because I know those people -- I am those people (not the special agents, obviously...lol). But I am in that out of college, what the hell am I supposed to do now group. There's nothing all that deep about Chuck, but it's fun and has tons of pop culture references that anyone who grew up when I did would know -- all I need to hear is a Thundercats or a Jem reference and my deal as a Chuck fan is sealed.

I know this week all the hype was about Nicole Richie (not to mention the girl on girl fight to "Smack my Bitch Up"), but who cared about her when you have the surprise of Ben Savage from Boy Meets World. Any one who grew up in the late 80's and/or early-mid 90's, grew up watching one, if not both of the Savage brothers. I grew up with both, though I watched The Wonder Years more than Boy Meets World. Not to mention a film called Little Monsters with both of them and Howie Mandel as a kind hearted monster who lives under Fred Savage's bed.

Plus I liked that they made Sarah a band geek in her other life. It makes her a bit more relatable. And there's always Adam Baldwin -- we need more Adam Baldwin.

Then over the weekend I watched this little indie film called Hard Candy. It's a thriller that reminded me of a Hitchcock thriller, in that the suspense is dependent on what you don't see, which I love.

It's about a fourteen year old girl (played by a pre-Juno Ellen Page) who agrees to meet up with a 32 year old man, who she has met on the internet. Sounds predictible and one would think that we would see the teen try to escape the psycho pediophile and then learn a valuable lesson about meeting people on the internet -- but no. We quickly learn that the teen girl is not the one being manipulated here. There were some things that I thought needed more explanation or resolution, but over all it was well done and I would recomend it.

Now some life stuff --

Well we finally have caught up with our work load, but have not been moved into our new space like we were told we would be once we got caught up. It's sad but I just have no respect for my bosses right now. You can't respect someone who forgets or is late for a meeting that they scheduled, but gets all high and mightly if you are late. Of course the "Mom for McCain" bumber sticker and passive agressive comments aginast Obama are not helping with my fruastration.

But at least I do have a trained assistant now and things are coming together, but she is in desperate need of a real desk -- her current one is made of two skinny card tables shoved into a corner.

And the weather is getting cold, but staying sunny. It's quite pretty, even though (in typical VA form) we haven't gotten very much inbetween weather. It pretty much goes from warm/hot to cold...and then up and down a few more times. LOL. It's havoc on my sinuses, but I love fall colors.

Oh well back to work.

The Last Debate

If McCain spent as much time concisely explaining his own policies, as he did critizing Obama's, we might have some idea in hell what he plans to do as president.

That's really all I have to say about that.

Read Music Wench's blog about the debate -- I pretty much agree 100%

Though I am riled up about the Roe V. Wade thing -- but that will probably be a seperate post when I have more time.

Doesn't quite compare

I watched L&O: SVU last night. This show is generally hit or miss for me. Benson (Mariska Hargaty) just gets on my nerves and it irritates me to no end that she's an emmy darling, while Kathryn Erbe is constantly looked over, despite portraying a more realistic female role model.


I do like Christopher Meloni. I have a soft spot for actors who can go from one end of the spectrum to the other and do it well. He's actually a really good comedic actor and a part of me wishes that he would leave SVU and go do some quirky, off the wall comedy series. He is great in this one episode of Scrubs, where he plays a very much respected pediatrician, who is a little too attached to the puppet he uses to entertain his patients. So Dr. Cox "kidnaps" the puppet in order to bribe the pediatrician into fitting his son into his booked schedule. It's hilarious.


Meloni also has a cameo in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and is only recognizable by his voice. He plays this deformed, back woods mechanic and is completely ridiculous.


But I like that. I like actors who can go from stark seriousness to ridiculousness -- like Gary Cole, who is easily in my top three most underrated actors list, but that's a different post.


But, anywho, on this SVU episode, Stabler's (Meloni) daughter is in trouble again and it unearths this plethora of bad and dangerous behavior (drugs, alcholoh, promiscuity, etc.). They come to find out that she has bi-polar disorder and then we meet Stabler's mommy, played by Ellen Burstyin.


We learn that his mother, though never formally diagnosed or treated, also is bi-polar and how her erratic behavior effected his childhood. In the big dramatic scene between mom and son, he mentions a time when she pulled his father's gun on them and nearly shot them and then later we learn that she caused an accident that broke his arm.


I like Ellen Burstyin and I like Chris Meloni, but the whole time I was watching the scene between the two of them I couldn't help but wonder: were the SVU writers watching re-runs of CI, or what?


And to make matters worse, that scene just doesn't hold a candle to the chemistry and just heart wrenchingness of Rita Moreno and Vincent D'Onofrio. Rita Moreno and Tony Goldwyn were robbed by the Emmys -- both were absolutley stellar and did so much in such a limited amount of screen time -- that's acting.


Though, I'm sure, since SVU is SVU that they will get the acclaim that the CI cast did not.


Here's a YouTube video I found highlighting some of the scenes between D'Onofrio and Moreno. It's by Oliviafan29 and is set to a song called "Wreck of the Day." Not sure who it's by -- sounds slightly like Jewel...but not sure if it's her.

Dreams and freak-outs

Babbling ahead...a lot of babbling...you've been warned.

I on occasion have weird dreams. All dreams are weird, but there are varying degrees. Like my dad's dreams constitute "fucking weird," where as mine are just "weird." I remember as a kid when my parents were still married and he would mention some of the dreams he had. In one the Nazis were coming and we all had to jump off the James River Bridge and swim to safety. In another, my mom and I went to a horse show with him and the hotel was attacked by terrorists. My dad has issues.

Most of my dreams are related to my obsessive compulsive behavior about time -- I'm compulsively early for everything. In high school all my dreams were about getting to class but either being lost in the school (which was never an actual school, but mansions or mazes, or once memorably a western saloon) or extraneous things hindering me from getting there.

Okay...so maybe that is fucking weird.

Most of my dreams I don't remember. Others I try to remember because I think they could be developed into interesting story ideas, but they are usually never as good on a page as I remember them being in the dream. On occasion I also still have dreams about my dad's mom and like to think it's her way of saying "hi."

Last week I out the blue had a dream about this guy I used to work with and who I haven't seen in nearly a year.

Last time we hung out it was pure happenstance. I was driving back from having lunch with one of my friends and passed by his house as I was starting home. He happened to be outside, so I stopped and we ended up sitting and talking for a few hours with him in his pj's -- weird, I know. None of his other friends were answering their phones and his girlfriend was out of town, so I guess he welcomed some company.

We always got along well and had a nice banter back and forth whenever we worked together. He's a Joss fan, I'm a Joss, fan. We'd throw quotes back and forth. Like when I was working full time and was still a full time student I would occasionally tell him "fire bad, tree pretty" (Graduation, Buffy, season 3) because I was exhausted and a little sleep drunk when ever we closed together.

I can be highly entertaining when I'm sleep drunk because I laugh at anything and everything. Yeah -- if you ever need a self esteem boost hang around me when I'm sleep drunk -- you'll be the funniest person in the world.

So, I will admit to having a bit of a crush on him. Personality wise we're very different -- I'm quiet and tend to avoid confrontation, he's loud and at times combative. But we have similar family histories, similar trust issues, we're both would-be writers, we both retain film/TV quotes in a sickeningly sad amount, both think Christopher Titus might have been the most normal person on TV ever -- we had plenty to talk about, but he has a girlfriend who he's been with since I met him -- and I'm not that kind of person, who would do anything inappropriate or to threaten that. Yes, I know the hanging out in his pj's thing sounds bad, but there was still nothing inappropriate.

Really it's perfect for me. Because we can hang out every now and then, but there's none of the scariness of a prospective relationship beyond friendship. I have a tendency to high-tail it the other way when people -- well men -- get too close. What can I say -- I have daddy issues.

So then I had this dream about him and it was a very...pleasant dream. Not dirty pleasant, but comfy pleasant. But I have no idea where it come from. I hadn't really thought about him much in the past year and then poof -- pivotal figure in a dream.

Of course now, I'm constantly thinking about him and have had two more dreams, because I want to know why I had the original dream in the first place. What in my subconscious made me think of him?

It's all very weird.

And speaking of weird --

Thursday after dinner I noticed that my left arm felt...funky. My bicep ached and it was kind of hard to hold up that arm. Then I could feel it in my forearm too and my fingers even tingled a bit.

I didn't panic immediately, but I was a bit freaked-out. I don't have the best family history when it come to heart disease and up until the last six months, I have not been very good to my body food-wise. So, I'm paranoid about having early heart problems.

So, I went to bed and tied not to worry about it. I even slept really good that night and otherwise felt fine.

Well it was still bothering me Friday morning. I went to work like normal, but was slowly starting to panic, so I called my mom because doesn't every body want their mommy when they don't feel good?

I mentioned to her that I had hit my elbow on my desk Thursday morning and she thought I probably had damaged a nerve and that that was causing the tingling in my fingers, since I wasn't having pain anywhere else.

So a panic attack was averted, but my arm still feels weird. Doesn't hurt as much, but my fingers still feel a little heavy.

Anyone who has actually read through all this -- you're a saint, because I realize there's nothing all that interesting here.

Well off to enjoy a day of laundry and hopefully relaxation. I have to go into work sometime this weekend to catch up, which I really don't want to do, but there's just not enough time in the week to get everything done that they are expecting me to do right now.

After watching "Thursday Update" the other night I've decided that there are a lot of issues that my bosses just need to be told -- "FIX IT!"

So after all that here's a clip from my favorite clip from "Thursday Update." Enjoy and have a nice weekend.

Debates and other randomness

Well, I'm back on my oh my God I can actually write something substantial and decent part of my up and down creative writing cycle and therefore have been neglectful of my blog writing, so here's just some random thoughts and gripes from the week so far....and it's only Wednesday.

It was interesting watching the debates last night. I hadn't planned on watching because most of the time things like that just get me riled up and then I can't sleep because I want to argue with the people too, but I ended up turning to it and couldn't look away.

I know this is shallow and should in no way effect how I vote, but I was really fascinated by how they each moved. It was rather distracting for me because you have Obama who was like jazz and then McCain who was like old-school Nintendo music. (I think I may be forming a little bit of a crush on Obama -- he is one of the more attractive candidates we've had in a long time, I think).

I also just found McCain to be rather condescending -- both to Obama and to us. Something about the "my friends" thing really rubbed me the wrong way, as well as his failed attempts at humor.

I also was really bothered by this idea of America being a nation of good -- not to sound unpatriotic. I'm happy being an American. I have no plans to ran away to Canada anytime soon -- unless they ever make it possible for Arnold to run for president and he wins. Then I will be high-railing it to Canada. Or Norway -- Norway apparently has really good health care and I actually have a little Norwegian in me...but I digress.

I don't really believe in absolute, back and white, good and bad -- "good" and "bad" are all about your own personal perspective and I'm sure the Russians have the opposite view: that we're the "evil empire." Plus people are people and we all have the ability to do good and not so good things and since a nation is run by people it's impossible for it to be completely good or completely bad.

That's not to say that I don't think there is evil in the world -- I think it's very apparent that there is, but just the average person, who isn't devoid of emotion and doesn't do evil for the pleasure of it, is capable of good and bad. Even the most honorable man in the world is, on occasion, going to make some stupid descions.

I just think you skirt on dangerous territory when you entertain the idea of one group being this ideal force of good and another being a force of evil, because through out history people have done things that they thought they had the right to do -- in the name of their God, country or what have you, but in the same breath caused the deaths of hundreds of people. Our ancestors came here seeking freedom and ending up nearly wiping out a native race of people. More people died in our civil war than in both of the world wars combined -- so I think we have to be very careful about labeling ourselves anything, because when we fall (and everyone does occasionally at varying degrees) it's going to hurt even more.

Okay, enough soapbox -- I realize I very well may not know enough about the world to say these things but it's just the way I see it.

Work is driving me crazy -- I don't understand why it takes four months to even come up with a plan of action to do something when initially we were told would be done within the next couple of weeks.

I really wish I could Tabitha my way through all the boxes of phones that are circling my cubicle or that the other Tabitha on Bravo (I want to be her when I grow up) would expand to not only doing salons but other small businesses as well. I'm just so sick of watching the whiners who do half-assed jobs get coddled, while the rest of us get swept to the side. And they wonder why morale is down.

A part of me wants to look around for a new job, but I'm also worried that I won't be able to find anything that offers they pay I'm getting and the benefits I have. And I just don't feel like I have a good finical cushion right now to take that kind of risk. I guess I just need to stop complaining and get to work. LOL.

Was that even a sentence?

So, I caught about 20 minutes or so of the VP debate last night -- sometime just before their closing statements and I honestly have no idea what Palin was saying. There were key words being thrown left and right, but did she really say anything? She looked more like a beauty queen fielding questions, than she did a vice presidential candidate. Plus she just seemed to talk circles and by the time she finished I had completely forgotten what the moderator's original question was.

Maybe it's just me, but it irritates me when politicians say that they're just like me or that they came from a working class family and therefore know what your average person goes through on a day to day basis. I'm sorry but they don't. Maybe at one time they did, but it's inevitable that as you move up in the racks that you will lose sight of the "common people." The people that do the dirty jobs without recognition or worry every month whether or not they are going to get their bills paid without driving themselves into debt. I'm not saying it's their fault, but just an unfortunate side effect.

Look at in a smaller scale: the owners of my company for example. They started out as sales reps and worked their way up to owning their own market with three people and a handful of sales reps running a whole blooming company. But now, if you asked either of the owners what I do on a day to day basis, neither of them would be able to give you a concise answer (and their offices are right across the hall), because they have become too far removed. They make descions with no idea as to how it will effect the workload or job of a particular person. It's not really their fault -- they just got too caught up in other aspects.

So don't tell me you understand -- tell me what you plan to do, plainly and concisely, without the run around.

I have to agree with what MusicWench said in her Blue State post regaurding Obama's ads. I like seeing him in a chair just talking to us about what he wants to do as president and not why we shouldn't vote for McCain. For a few seconds it gives the illusion that he is in your living room, explaining what he plans to do for you. It's a comforting feeling because it makes him seem as if he really does care and that he's not just running lines by us. When was the last time we had a presidential candidate do such a thing?

Thursday! Thursday! Thursday!

So Thursday is the only TV night that I really look forward to and with the frustrations at work and murky finical situation in the country at the moment, some mindless fun is much needed.

First is "My Name is Earl." I will admit that the novelty of "Earl" has worn off on me, so I don't care much whether I see it or not, but I do enjoy it when I catch it. Plus, I kind of heart Jason Lee, for which I entirely blame Kevin Smith. Ethan Suplee (another Kevin Smith find) is hilarious as the dim witted, Randy. Even though he is an idiot I can't help but love the fact that his character is scared of birds because I am scared of birds (don't ask why -- I have no idea).

Then there's Joy (Jaime Presley) who just might be the best part of "Earl" and whose finger swinging and "Oh Snap!" has ingrained itself onto my psyche. In fact the first time I saw the LOCI episode "Untethered" and we get to the part where Goren is confronting his brother and Frank goes "just take Eames to a motel and get it out of your system" -- I busted out laughing. Why? Because in my head all I saw was Joy in a corner going "Oh Snap!" Seemed like a pretty appropriate response to me.

"The Office" has turned into one of my favorite shows. I know it gets a lot of flack for being an American remake and if I had been a fan of the British version I'd probably be scoffing right along with them, but I find it hilarious. Of course there's the Pam and Jim storyline and I'm just waiting for the fallout to take place since things have been so good between the too. I'm single and commitment-phobic, and if possible I'd like to live vicariously through them. I know I'm in the minority, but for once I'd like to see a TV couple just be happy -- I have no desire to see them turn into a Ross and Rachel -- "The Office" (I hope) is too smart for that.

Plus we have other couples to amuse ourselves with: the trifecta of Dwight, Angela, and Andy, and then another with Micheal, Jan, and the new HR person, played by Amy Ryan.

Amy Ryan is enough reason to pull me to "The Office" every week. The more I see her the more I want to see her. She was amazing in "Gone Baby Gone." This is the first comedic role I have ever seen her in and she does slapstick just as well as drama. She and Steve Carrell are great together -- on the premier last week they rapped. It was awesome -- white people rapping in general is pretty funny, but when you add straight-laced dorks to the equations the hilarity gets bumped up a few notches.

Here's a best of video I found on You Tube from ionre:




Then come November, LOCI will be back on Thurdays as well. I'm still a little nervous about the whole new writing staff, but hopefully it will be good and we will get more episodes that blend the personal and the professional in a believable way with out going to far over the top -- it's TV they're going to go a little over the top. And I am getting excited to see what Jeff Goldblum brings to the table. Either way it should at least be interesting to see where they take out detectives. I'm hoping we see a solid Goren and Eames partnership (and lots of ambiguity as far as how deep their relationship goes ;)) and a mending Goren -- because for the love of God I've over the angst.




Oh well...ta-ta for now.

Dollhouse Trailer

Found this trailer on YouTube for the new Joss Whedon series that's will be coming to Fox I believe next year. I was a little surprised to learn that he was doing another series snce he was pretty annoyed with TV after the cancellation of "Firefly" and then "Angel" the next year. But I'm excited to see him back and bringing Buffy/Angel alum Eliza Duschu and Amy Acker (who was also appeared on the LOCI episode "Smile" as Leslie).

Two museums and a funeral

So, I spent the last few days in Arlington and in D.C. with my dad's family for my grandfather's burial at Arlington National Cemetery. You can read my comments on his memorial service in July here.

I had never been to a formal Military service before with the drums, rifles, and the folding of the flag. First we followed in our cars to meet the horse drawn carriage with the casket, which wasn't an actual casket. One end pulled out like a drawer and one of the uniforms presented the urn with his ashes and placed it in the drawer so we could follow the casket to the burial site.

It was all pretty neat to watch, but it was still hard to sit through because so many things seemed wrong. I've never been one for pomp and circumstance, for one, and it just felt like another round of self-indulgent bullshit for Wivi, my grandfather's wife -- who he married within a year of my grandmother's death -- needless to say, we had some issues with that.

After the ceremony, my older cousin, Gina, noticed that the open plot beside his, which was getting ready to be filled, had a little plaque with the name "Gertrude" on it. Gertrude was my grandmother's name. So that was really neat because it felt like a nod from Nanie (what we called our grandmother) to say she's still watching and she's still here. Because all of us felt like it was Nanie who should have been given that flag and not Wivi. Nanie was the one who spent fifty years of her life with him and he was not an easy man to be around.

Afterwards, Wivi and her friends came back to our hotel for drinks -- causing those of us who can't survive on alcohol and nicotine alone to not have lunch until dinner time. It's inevitable that whenever I am with my dad's family I am going to miss at least one meal because these people don't eat.

And Wivi bragged about how she was donating her money to the MOWW, an organization my grandfather was involved in. She didn't help any of us pay for the trip or our hotel rooms of the drinks that she and her friends consumed, but she had to proclaim her donation.

Luckily, my aunt Donna paid for everything. She moved to TX before I was even born and I can easily count all the times I've seen her in person. She is also probably the most well adjusted of my dad's siblings and sadly it is mostly due to the fact that she got away. I wish I had more time to actually sit and talk to her one on one, but it's hard when you only have a couple days to spend with your whole family.

She's the only person I know who can actually force my dad to actually participate in family functions/outings...she even forced him to stay seated and have a conversation for a couple hours with all of us. Anxious is an extreme understatement when describing my dad -- I'm not sure if there is a term to explain how anxiety ridden he is.

I like having Donna around because she actually gets everyone to talk about things and she blatantly tells my dad that he doesn't know me and should talk to me. So it was nice for all of us to sit around in talk.

Friday we spent in D.C. and took the Metro to what it called "The Mall." It's actually the two mile stretch of museums that make up the Smithsonian. We went to the Natural History Museum and the American Indian Museum. The Indian museum was awesome and I spent alot of time salivating in there gift shop over all of their silver/turquoise jewelry -- my favorite.

The exhibits were wonderfully set up. You can learn more about it at The National Museum of the American Indian website.

I really love Native American culture, so it was great to see all the art and the mini-histories on all the different tribes. It has exhibits about their past and evolution, but also focuses alot on the culture today and who they are as a people today. This actually ties into a conversation I had with Musicwench about hunting and respect for life, because I think Native Americans are the only hunters that truly respect the animals they hunt. They may kill an animal for food and clothing, but they also respect that animal and honor it. I highly respect that ideology.

It was stressful trying to plan things with seven people, but all and all it was a good time and I'm glad I went. I was really, really tense about going, but it turned up working out well. I'm definitely tired and was glad to come home yesterday, but it was good.

"Please note: we are no longer accepting letters of recommendation..."

A conversation I heard the other day between two of my co-workers (well one co-worker, one boss -- well rather boss/wife of one of the owners) about how she (the boss) were starting to look for pre-schools to send her three and a half year old to. Naturally my pop-cultured littered mind immediately began to think about an episode of LOCI -- "Please Note: We are No Longer Accepting Letters of Recommendation from Henry Kissenger," which is about this parent who goes on a killing spree to get her two year old son into this prestigious school.

Now, I'm not saying my bosses would kill to get their child into a prestigious school, but they obviously are putting a lot of stock into where they end up sending her. They, especially the wife, seem to be much more about appearance than anything else and her children just seem to add to what she wants her image to be: wife, mother, business woman, but the fact is she doesn't really seem to do any whole heatedly. They have a nanny that spends most of the time with the kids and their daughter, the 3 year old, is quite the little hellion. They're just like, "oh she beats to her own drummer" as the child is running and yelling up and down the hallway. There's a fine line between letting your child be who they are and raising them to be disrespectful to others.

Personally, I think private school will only add to this because it puts you in this neat little box where the majority of people around you are just like you: white in an upper-middle class to upper class family. I'm sorry, but I don't care how good the academics are because this does not prepare you for the real world, where there are --gasp-- people that are not like you and who will completely disagree with you and call you out if you do something that they don't like.

I grew up in public school and in public schools that were not in the best areas of Newport News, which is a long strip that gets progressively higher in economic status as you move closer to Williamsburg, but I also went to schools with tough teachers and ones who actually prepared you for college.

I was astounded when I got to college at how many people did not know how to write a formal essay -- I had to learn that in middle school -- granted I also went to a public college that accepts way more students than it should.

I realize I was lucky because I was able to take the "pre-IB" classes, which were I guess like accelerated classes, but the more people who move away from public schools and into private schools, the more good teachers are going to move too. And that's why a typical high school class graduates without knowing how to write a simple essay, because they can't keep the really talented teachers.

Private schools only add to the considerable divide between the rich and the poor and in subliminal ways teaches one set that they are the future leaders and another that they really just don't matter that much.

How can we expect change in our society if we're, even if subconsciously, instilling this us v. them mentality? How do you expect your kids to be truly compassionate and open minded if they never see how other people live?

Plus it just irks me -- this idea of putting you're toddler into a competitive academic arena, because a part of me is just like let them be a kid for a couple more years before they have worry about grades and homework. Is it really necessary for success in the world? Plus it just seems likes it's more for the parents than the children -- as if it's just another symbol of their their lifestyle.

Maybe, I'm being too harsh, but I just think we should put more value in our public schools, because the majority of us can not afford to send our kids to private school, but that shouldn't mean that those kids don't deserve just as solid an education as those who can.

How I love the smell of chlorine in the morning

I'm really fascinated by smells and how they connect so heavily with people's memories. Like every now and then I'll come across the mixture of cigerettes and mints, which always reminds me of my dad's mom because that's what her purse always smelled like. I still remember the first time I encountered this smell after she died.

I was working at a CD store and I was ringing up this older woman. And there was that smell and I was taken aback by it because of what it made me think about. Now it's not nesicarily a nice smell or one I want around, but there's still a connection to it that is hard to explain.

My mom is that way with the smells of a barn: the leather, dirt, dust, hay, and horses. She loves that smell because she was a horse person and had a horse from the time she was thirteen until I was about eight or nine. We would go to Bush Gardens in Williamsburg once every summer and if I had let her, my mom would have been content spending the how time in the little stable they have.

It's a smell that reminds her of a passion she no longer has the means to indulge in and that's how I was with chlorine.

My dad's mom, Nanie, taught me how to swim and the moment she got me over my fear of having my head underwater, she couldn't get me out of that pool. I spend as much time as she would let me in the pool whenever I was at her house. I spent so much time that my hair eventually got blonde streaks from the sun and chlorine and I would get this gorgeous deep tan.

After she died, the pool went with her and it became a rare treat to get in a pool maybe once a summer -- not nearly enough. And I missed it. I missed it so much -- in the same why my mom misses being around horses, but I have summoned up some courage and joined a public pool.

It's at a Jewish community center and I pass by it everyday on my way home from work, so there's no excuse for me not to go.

I went for the first time last Friday and was very proud of myself. I am generally pretty prudent, not to mention overweight, and am not at all comfortable with being in a bathing suit in public, but I did it -- of course it helps that I'm pretty much blind without my glasses and everyone just looks like a blurb of color anyway. So even if they are looking and scruntinizing, I am blissfully ignorant thanks to my ridiculously poor eyesight -- who knew that would ever be a plus.

But even the day that I just went on the tour of the facility, when I was assulted by the chlorine and water, I was ready to jump in right then and there.

Then afterwards, even after taking a shower, I could still faintly smell the chlorine and to me it was a wonderful smell. And it just felt so good to be in the water again -- it's probably been two years since I've been in a pool.

Obviously barn smells and chlorine aren't popular smells, but I think it's intersting how they become more than just a smell.

Well I have to get to work. It's going to both a short and a long week since I am taking Thursday and Friday off to go to my dad's father's second funeral -- his ashes are being buried in Arlington National -- and I have a tone of stuff to get done from now through Wednesday at work, but I can actually see my desk again which is nice. One of my co-workers and I came in Saturday and cleaned up some stuff.

I'm both excited to get out of town for a couple days, but on edge because my dad's family has a tendency to stress me out.

So needless to say I won't be online much this week.

I'm Kate Hepburn too!

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Katharine Hepburn

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

Take'>http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-classic-dames-test">Take The Classic Dames Test at

The Idea of True Womanhood

After watching the SNL skit with Tina Fey (how I heart her) and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton, which really played on the hypocrisy of how Palin is being treated versus how Hilary was treated, I started thinking about the idea of womanhood versus the reality of it. If you have not seen the skit, check out this post by Musicwench: http://musicwench.blogspot.com/2008/09/for-posterity.html

The truth of the matter, whether we like it or not, is that Palin represents what people want to believe is ideal womanhood and that, to a big part of society at least, makes her a safer choice. She is change, but she's not radical change. The right-wing, white men of America, who have a big influence in this country, feel safe with her because she represents what most of us are told our whole lives that we're supposed to be: attractive, ambitious, but also traditional at the same time. We're supposed to stand beside the man, not in front of him. We're bakers, mothers, and the force that is supposed to hold together the "American Dream" of nuclear families and strong Christian values.

If you don't fit into that mold then you are a threat to what white conservative men see as the preservation of our society (i.e. Hilary Rodman Clinton). Personally, I think this whole ideology is bullshit, but that doesn't change the fact that most fundamentalist societies/sects adhere to this idea of womanhood.

Talk about hypocrisy. Women, thanks to fundamentalist ideas, are thought to not have or deserve the same rights as men, but yet are Representative of the purity and honor of a family or a society. In extremist Muslim societies they have "kitchen accidents" or what's more widely called "honor killings" of a wife or daughter who has tainted the family's honor by no longer being a virgin (whether the sex was consensual or not) or having an affair or if your husband thinks you've had an affair.

In Christian societies it all goes back to Eve, who (if you believe the creation story) was made from man for man (at least that's how old leaders of the church would like us to interpret it). And of course what really gave Eve a bad rap (and the rest of us by extension) was her eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge. Of course what people like to forget is that in the Bible it does actually say, speaking of Adam, "who was with her" (Genesis 3 verse 6). It is interesting how a story can change when one little tid-bit of information is included or excluded.

Personally, I had three important female figures in my life that in one why or another shaped my view of womanhood...even if in some instances through observation it urged me to be the opposite of what I saw. My mother grew up in the ideal nuclear family and she always thought that she would be like her mother and be a housewife. Of course then she married my dad and didn't exactly get what she bargained for. So, she spent my whole life working a dead in job to make ends meet with no college education.

My dad's mother was a housewife, but she did not hold to this Christian ideology -- in fact I think I get my fascination with other religions from her. At the same time however, she stayed in a marriage with a man she couldn't stand because she saw herself as not having any other options.

My mother's mother (my mom-mom) was a housewife, but also had a college education -- rare for a woman who grew up in the atmopshere and time that she grew up in. In fact she and my grandfather met while in Pharmacy school, but she gave it up to be a housewife. Looking back, I wish I had had the foresight to ask her about how she felt about that decision before she died: whether she still would have chosen being a wife and mother over having a career.

She was a very smart person...and I mean like "Jeopardy" smart. She was always really good at math, word puzzles (crosswords, scrabble...she almost solved every puzzle on "Wheel of Fortune" before the contestants), and just had a really good memory of general knowledge. I just really would love to know if she was really satisfied with the choices she made, because she so obviously could have done so many things with her life if she had wanted to. Now, don't think I'm thumbing my nose at being a housewife -- it's not for me, God knows, but that doesn't mean I can't believe that it's what some women genuinely want.

Feminism isn't about excluding choices -- it's about having them in the first place.

In many ways women's rights and a woman's ability to rise to the same success as a man has drastically changed, but there is still an attitude (maybe not quite as loud as it used to be) that holds women to this old view and standard of what womanhood is supposed to be. Unfortunatly the rest of us who can't or refuse to fit into this get the brunt of ridicule from the right-winged, moral majority -- whatever they are calling themselves these days -- and are blamed for what they precieve as the downfall of American society.


Palin will only help support this idea and, though it will be quite a historical event to be the first female vice president if McCain is elected, she will not change anything for women. Clinton held the possibility of truly changing the idea of womanhood in soceity and that's why she was so strongly ridiculed.